Tag Archives: intention

How To Keep Her.

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You have her attention and now she has yours.

You’re falling in love with her (yes, that’s what’s happening) and you sense a change.

You know she’s deciding if she’s going to continue to water this garden, or move on. You know she’s going to tell you soon because that’s how she is.

You suddenly feel the need to say or do something—but what?

The question running through your mind is: How can I keep her in my life?

If you’re the right one, the answer is simple. If not, the answer is: You can’t.

~

1. Make your personal growth your utmost priority.

She is a whole person and wants another whole person. She will not be your better half, your quarter, or even your third. She needs someone who has worked on themselves. That means you’ve done more than read a few “self-help” books. You’ve delved into your childhood in painstaking detail during counseling. You know what it means to ease into the discomfort. And because you’ve done all this work, you have compassion for yourself, which means you’ll have compassion for her. (And others, but it really is all about her at the moment.)

2. Understand that emotional intimacy is as important as physical intimacy.

Don’t get me wrong, when you’re together, she wants you to touch her. Often. Hug, kiss, caress, and massage her, in the kitchen, on the porch, in the car, everywhere. Hold her hand. Come up behind her when she least expects it and put your arms around her and kiss her neck gently.

But just as important, call and text her. Send her emails and pictures. Share your life with her and respond when she shares hers. Have long conversations with her over dinner, by the fire, or as you take a stroll or sit on a park bench. Your lives should intertwine as much as your bodies. Don’t barrage her with messages or smother her; she needs space and has to attend to matters outside of you, but she wants to know you care about more than her skin. It will make her feel wanted.

You need to connect deeply with her—on all levels.

3. Accept her for who she is.

Seek to know her innermost being and accept her in her many forms. Don’t criticize or try to change her, but kindly help her grow. Don’t expect her to lower her expectations. They may be high, but they are realistic. She will be erratically spontaneous, but she will plan for every imaginable outcome at the same time. She will be that balance of practical and so f*cking not. She will know sometimes exactly what she wants or doesn’t want, and sometimes she’ll be clueless and want you to make the call.

Roll with her. She’ll do the same for you.

4. Be open with her. If you want to be with her, be with her.

If you want to do something together, tell her. That doesn’t mean she’ll agree, but don’t pussyfoot. Tell her how you’re feeling. Be assertive, and for the love of everything holy, don’t be passive-aggressive. She doesn’t have time for that shit. Don’t be overly cautious. She’s not a porcelain doll and relationships need to learn to bend without breaking. She needs transparency from you.
So if you want to keep her in your life, at least to explore this thing further, ask yourself:

Is growth my priority? If not, can I make it so? (If yes…)

Am I willing to work on that physical and emotional connection? (If yes…)

Do I like who she really is, not who I think she is or want her to be? (If yes…)

Then tell her.

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/10/how-to-keep-her/

How I became more Androcles & less of a Lion

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Full disclosure—I’m a crab ass. I can be as bitchy as they come.

I wake up early but I’m hardly ever thrilled about it. The heat turns me into a veritable monster, true story. And my patience is occasionally in the shortest supply you can imagine.

I am working on being more Androcles and less Lion.

If you are not familiar with the ancient fable, I am assuming you are also unfamiliar with toilet paper. Seriously though, in case you need a refresher—the story goes that a runaway Roman slave named Androcles tried to hide in a cave which turned out to be the den of a lion. This lion happened to have a thorn in his paw, which of course made him crabby.

Androcles removed the thorn and nursed the lion’s paw until he healed, and they became friends. (Well, as friendly as two hungry omnivores can allow themselves to be.) Later, Androcles returned to society, and he was captured and thrown into a lion’s den as dinner.

Of course, the lion he was thrown to was his old pal Crabby-Paw, who recognized him and pretty much became domesticated kitty. Androcles was then heralded as the “Lion Tamer,” and he was not put to death, because of his way with big scary animals.

Seeing myself as an overt Lion-ness, I find myself so grateful to those amazing Androcles’ in my life who are most often my splinter removers.

Figuratively, my spouse is a fantastic Androcles. He’s removed splinters from my paws, my side and even my eye. Most of them are imagined, but some of them are real, and he treats each one as if it were the most important splinter he has ever removed.

I was recently irritated by a work-related splinter. See, a rumor was going around that I was going to be fired. My managers were magnificent about calling me immediately to quash my fears. They’d heard the rumor already and wanted to tell me, before I heard it on the street and totally freaked out. They know me well!

My husband happened to be with me when I heard about it, and he assured me it was a mistake—some misunderstanding. I pouted for a while over that rumor—that “splinter” in my paw—wondering who would say such hurtful things?

Weeks later, after being a part-time sleuth, it was revealed that it was a misunderstanding, and the source of the rumor had mistook something to mean I was going to be shit-canned. In this instance, it took a village of folks acting as my Androcles—my husband, my bosses and some friends—to pull that butt-hurt splinter out of my paw.

Speaking of butt-hurt…

On a more literal Androcles note—a few months ago I was seated in the gym steam room, on a wooden bench. It was somewhat crowded, and—being the codependent people pleaser I am—when a woman came in looking for a place to sit, I quickly scooted over to make space for her. Even though I was wearing practically bulletproof yoga pants, I managed to pick up the lone splinter that was sticking up on the bench. I pulled it out, but I wasn’t sure I had gotten the whole thing.

As luck would have it, I had a doctor appointment that afternoon—a follow up appointment with my gastroenterologist. (Hand to God, I’m not making this up.) After we discussed my recent procedure, I told him that this was very embarrassing, but I had managed to get a splinter in my hind-quarters, and I wondered if he could look at it to make sure I got all of it out. He checked and saw a red dot where the splinter had been, but he assured me that I had removed my own splinter.

I hadn’t originally intended to use this as a metaphor, but it does serve really well as one—sometimes, we can remove our own splinters. We can also let someone else remove them for us, and sometimes we might ask someone to check our work if we are in doubt.

Some interpretations of the ancient fable say it is one of the earliest stories about gratitude.

We are all grateful when someone helps us ease our pain—physical, emotional or spiritual. We have all had someone remove a splinter from our paw, at one time or another. Maybe they’ve shown us something about ourselves, that we could not see clearly, until it was brought to our attention.

Think of how grateful you felt when someone you loved, or maybe even a stranger, showed you something that meant a great deal to you. Or maybe when they helped shine a light on a shadowy part of your world. That gratitude can be paid forward to some of the “crabby lions” in our own lives.

The next time someone in your life starts bitching—instead of nodding, looking at your cellular device or changing the topic—see if you can identify their splinter. If it’s in your capabilities, consider removing it or helping them to remove it themselves.

We all know that doing something nice for someone else is also, often, a gift for ourselves. Making someone else feel better, makes us feel grrrrrrreat! (No offense to Tony the Tiger.)

Just like Androcles, taking the splinter out of a crabby lion’s paw could really be a saving grace for us.

So, get out your tweezers and roar!

Author: Melissa Morgan

LOVE

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Burning Man is an annual festival that takes places in Black Rock City, located in the Black Rock Desert, Nevada. The event brings together a number of people from across the nation who are influenced by community, art, radical self expression, self-reliance, sharing, and decommodification.

One of the sculptures there is called “Love.” Created by Alexandr Milov from Odessa, Ukraine, the sculpture demonstrates a conflict between a man and a woman and, ultimately, an inner expression of human nature.

The figures of the protagonists are made in the form of big metal cages, with their inner selves trapped within in the form of children, who are holding out their hands through the grating.

When nightfall comes, the children start to glow and shine, which represents a “symbol of purity and sincerity that brings people together and gives a chance of making up when the dark time arrives.”

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DIVINE DANCE AND CULTURE! THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DANCER & CHOREOGRAPHER IN MY EYES!

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The choreographer Pina Bausch was an intensely serious exponent of the neo-expressionist form of German dance known as Tanztheater. She was known for works showing men and women engaged in endless, often violent, power struggles. She died June 30, 2009, at 68 in Wuppertal, Germany.

The 1984 United States debut of the Pina Bausch Tanztheater Wuppertal at the Brooklyn Academy of Music electrified audiences and spurred American dancers to audition for her. Her troupe returned to BAM in December 2008 with “Bamboo Blues,” a dreamscape that switched between episodes of sensual impulsiveness, catwalklike audience-awareness, scenes of harrowing need or anxiety and aspects of melancholia.

Referring to “Bamboo Blues,” the Times dance critic Alistair Macaulay wrote, “Perhaps the most interesting dichotomy lies between its presentation of the intensely social self (in which her characters’ artful awareness of an audience often makes them become bizarre or grotesque) and its images of the less affected but often more driven inner person.”

Ms. Bausch said of her own attitude toward dance-watching: ”I want to feel something, as a person. I don’t want to be bored.” Feeling, in fact, was paramount in Ms. Bausch’s work, and nowhere did she experiment with emotions more typically than in her penchant for repeating scenes and gestures. Over the years, her stagings included dancers splashing through pools of water and flip-flopping on mounds of dirt.

Ms. Bausch was the spiritual daughter of two mentors, Kurt Jooss, the German Expressionist choreographer, and Antony Tudor, the English-born choreographer whose dance-dramas at American Ballet Theater remain the models for psychological ballet.

Born in 1940 in Solingen, Germany, she studied in Essen at the famous Folkwang School, whose dance department spawned the Jooss Ballet. That company burst upon the international scene in 1932 with Jooss’s most famous work, ”The Green Table.” An anti-Nazi, Jooss left Germany in 1933, but he returned after World War II to head the Folkwang dance department again. Miss Bausch graduated from the school in 1959 and at the age of 18, became a special student at Juilliard in New York.

Mr. Tudor, who was her teacher there, recruited her for the Metropolitan Opera Ballet. She also appeared with the American modern-dance troupe of Paul Sanasardo and Donya Feuer, and in the New American Ballet, which was actually made up of modern dancers like Donald McKayle and Paul Taylor. In 1962, Miss Bausch returned to West Germany to join Jooss’s new Essen Folkwang Ballet.

http://topics.nytimes.com/top/reference/timestopics/people/b/pina_bausch/index.html

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnUesmL-1CQ watch this amazing dance, feel this amazing dance!

Love you Pina Bausch, thank-you for opening the doors to a new dimension

Melika Emira Baccouche

CHRONIC PAIN AND INTENTION!

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Ahimsa: The art of none-violence towards all living beings! Intention is powerful!

Leaving Montreal for a smaller town named Sutton. I needed to get out of the city after being with an addict for a year. I needed to leave the hospital’s, the addiction clinics, the pharmacy’s and all the judgment you receive when you are an addict. Addiction to me is simply an unbalance and sadly medication takes you on a ride further and further from your true self. When the intention was to retrieve your life and your true self to begin with. I could not watch him suffer on top of more suffering and suffering.

The sad thing was, prescription medication does not fall from the sky. When those who prescribe do not want to take responsibility for their decisions as a professional, it fucking sucks! Complete your circle, you are dealing with a human being and a life.

I did not want Jason to be judged, he had gone thru enough pain in his life, including self-inflicted pain. When you are suffering from old wounds or new wounds that have never been honoured. Some people start self-medicating. He had developed chronic pain and was prescribed all these medications by doctors and even pain specialist. The pain specialist was clear about the fact that with methadone, is nervous system was “mooch” as she said it herself, from what I understood, Jello

When your nervous system is mooch, pain can simply be present because of a nervous system disorder. The more you take, the more you need and the more your brain and your body tells you that this is what makes you feel better. Seeing the one I loved become thin, sicker and sicker with all these medication. I did not judge and I did not try to intervene because it was his process and his life. I respected what he needed to go thru and realize on his own. Being abandoned by his family and friends, I just wanted to guide him to a better place. Detox was the only option because every step I decided to walk with him, I knew that I was powerless over him and his decisions.

When we are in pain on a daily basis, the only thing you desire is to find your old self. The happy self that you were. Without the experience you can’t even understand the future impact on your body, your mind and your soul. Sometime’s medication is a band aid solution, specially for chronic pain patients. The more you take, the more you need and the more your inner void feels empty.

My personal feeling on addiction is that as you keep self-medicating, the bigger your inner void becomes. The real issues are ignored. You feel numb, your inner drive leaves you, you get so many after effects on your body that you end up needing your own little pharmacy.

Doctors are in the top percentage of drug addicts and when you check surveys, they would not prescribe most of the things they permit themselves to prescribe to patients, to their family and friends. If you know your drugs, you know that pharmaceutical drugs are the best. They are pure and you can’t find this quality of drugs on the streets.

The thing that makes me the most sad is that most patients are in full trust when it comes to their relationship with their doctor, psychiatrist, anyone with a P.H.D.. If a psychologist tells you that you are depressed after a 5 minute questionnaire. You might start feeling depressed because of the trust and the belief that you put into your health care practitioner. Placebo effects are strong, belief is strong, the mind is connected to the body and much of our beliefs will sink slowly into our body. With emotion’s and thoughts being inter-connected , when we feel something it is hormones receiving a message from your nervous system. We are an organic machines to doctors but we are so much more than that as individuals.

We forget that health practitioner’s are human and they are flawed as well. The error is human right? Most of these people  are over worked. When you are out of balance, how can you help someone find their own inner balance and health? When anyone and everyone is tired and has a lack of sleep. We all get into an automatic mode and we might not be fully aware of the impact we can have on someone’s health when we are a burned out. This includes what we say, what we do and how we proceed in our action’s. This is normal and it is human but this is where I wonder, if are medical system is so sick and flowed, how can we truly help patients in their suffering without any band-aid solutions?

In Ayurveda, when you prescribe a client anything, you must test it properly on yourself first, to empathize fully with the effects and the dosage for each individual client. Money was not given to any Ayurvedic doctor in the past because money corrupts. Health and money do not go well together because it has a strong effect on the intention towards healing. The simple intention must be seeing the person as a person just like us and we have become numbers in the medical system.

We are so much much more then that and to me, we are spiritual beings living a human life, being human is a gift, spirituality and the interconnectedness is a gift and having a physical healthy body is a gift!

Sending love!

My love finding love in pain:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJ8dr1nGqiw

Author: Melika Emira Baccouche