Category Archives: relationships

7 Signs You’re In Love With An Old Soul

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Old souls make for incredible partners in relationships. They have profound perspective and conduct their lives in ways no one else does. What does it mean for you when you love an old soul?

1. You love someone who thrives on philosophical conversations.

Old souls are thinkers. They don’t have time to talk about the Kardashians or neighborhood gossip. They want good, mentally stimulating conversations. Be ready for that!

2. You love someone who wants to share life’s lessons.

Old souls don’t come out of the womb with all sorts of insight to impart. They learn lessons like everyone else. But old souls are very careful to learn those lessons and grow as people. They want to share what they’ve learned with the whole world.

3. You love someone who will be supportive of you.

Old souls want to see the best in themselves and others. Even if what they think you’re doing is a little bit silly, they have your back. They will express opinions though.

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4. You love someone who doesn’t play games.

Old souls aren’t necessarily old fashioned flowers-on-the-first-date types, but they absolutely don’t play silly games. They’re a straight forward bunch.

5. You love an honest person.

Old souls are honest people. They don’t lie to your face, especially over petty things. This will sometimes hurt, but they don’t sugarcoat how they feel.

6. You love someone who is eccentric and creative.

Old souls are the types who’ve been around the block. They know how to laugh and let loose. You’ve managed to snag a funny weirdo. Good job!

7. You love an inspiring person.

At the end of the day, old souls are here to seek out people to inspire. They want to leave the world a better place. Join forces with them and you’ll make waves in this life.

How To Keep Her.

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You have her attention and now she has yours.

You’re falling in love with her (yes, that’s what’s happening) and you sense a change.

You know she’s deciding if she’s going to continue to water this garden, or move on. You know she’s going to tell you soon because that’s how she is.

You suddenly feel the need to say or do something—but what?

The question running through your mind is: How can I keep her in my life?

If you’re the right one, the answer is simple. If not, the answer is: You can’t.

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1. Make your personal growth your utmost priority.

She is a whole person and wants another whole person. She will not be your better half, your quarter, or even your third. She needs someone who has worked on themselves. That means you’ve done more than read a few “self-help” books. You’ve delved into your childhood in painstaking detail during counseling. You know what it means to ease into the discomfort. And because you’ve done all this work, you have compassion for yourself, which means you’ll have compassion for her. (And others, but it really is all about her at the moment.)

2. Understand that emotional intimacy is as important as physical intimacy.

Don’t get me wrong, when you’re together, she wants you to touch her. Often. Hug, kiss, caress, and massage her, in the kitchen, on the porch, in the car, everywhere. Hold her hand. Come up behind her when she least expects it and put your arms around her and kiss her neck gently.

But just as important, call and text her. Send her emails and pictures. Share your life with her and respond when she shares hers. Have long conversations with her over dinner, by the fire, or as you take a stroll or sit on a park bench. Your lives should intertwine as much as your bodies. Don’t barrage her with messages or smother her; she needs space and has to attend to matters outside of you, but she wants to know you care about more than her skin. It will make her feel wanted.

You need to connect deeply with her—on all levels.

3. Accept her for who she is.

Seek to know her innermost being and accept her in her many forms. Don’t criticize or try to change her, but kindly help her grow. Don’t expect her to lower her expectations. They may be high, but they are realistic. She will be erratically spontaneous, but she will plan for every imaginable outcome at the same time. She will be that balance of practical and so f*cking not. She will know sometimes exactly what she wants or doesn’t want, and sometimes she’ll be clueless and want you to make the call.

Roll with her. She’ll do the same for you.

4. Be open with her. If you want to be with her, be with her.

If you want to do something together, tell her. That doesn’t mean she’ll agree, but don’t pussyfoot. Tell her how you’re feeling. Be assertive, and for the love of everything holy, don’t be passive-aggressive. She doesn’t have time for that shit. Don’t be overly cautious. She’s not a porcelain doll and relationships need to learn to bend without breaking. She needs transparency from you.
So if you want to keep her in your life, at least to explore this thing further, ask yourself:

Is growth my priority? If not, can I make it so? (If yes…)

Am I willing to work on that physical and emotional connection? (If yes…)

Do I like who she really is, not who I think she is or want her to be? (If yes…)

Then tell her.

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/10/how-to-keep-her/

The Formula For A Spiritual Relationship

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Something exciting occurs when you decide to pursue a SPIRITUAL relationship. I can recall the exact moment Salle and I decided to work towards this deeper connection together. One year we found ourselves regularly arguing over small things.. It didn’t help that we’d been cooped up through a period of cold weather, and tensions were high as we were beginning to feel a little stir crazy.

The arguments usually looked like this one: I would want for us to go out and watch my favorite football team, and she want us to go to a nice dinner. While standing in front of our fireplace, with a roaring fire flickering shadows across our faces, our disagreement got past our self-control and rose to a point of angry shouting. When we “remembered ourselves”, it ended in a fit of laughter. We realized how silly we had been by letting ourselves become selfishly wrapped up in our wants, rather than remembering to think about one another first. We decided that this was the time for us to work together on developing our deeper Spiritual connection. These simple relationship disputes are normal. Developing your Spiritual bond together will freely build healthy communication and allow you to be conscious of your significant others’ needs.

Remember You Are A Soul Living A Human Life

Connections through conversations with another person is a basic human need, and the desire to create a romantic connection, may be the strongest one of all. With the rate of divorce reaching alarming heights, it may seem that loving relationships are destined to fail. However, it doesn’t have to be that way, especially if we apply some Spiritual principles to our romantic partnerships. It’s important to remember how you speak to your loved one. What are you trying to convey to them? How is your tone being taken? We all have moments where we “lose our heads.”  However, practicing thoughtful, non-defensive, vocal etiquette can provide you with results that not only benefit you both, but also help you grow your communication skills. In this way, each person feels more comfortable speaking from their hearts and exposing their soul to one another. Being aware of how you express yourself, especially under stress, is a fundamental aspect on the path of your Spiritual relationship together.

Your Soul Desires Another Soul To Share Your life With

God wants us to thrive in a life of abundant joy. Profound love and healthy partnerships unite in His destined plan for each of us. Our relationships shouldn’t befall to grief and pain. By evolving to your highest, Spiritually conscious form, you discover you’re greater ability to have happy, fulfilling relationships. You can practice the principles of THE 12 INSIGHTS in your relationships. Praying together, trusting your INTUITION, and following the SYNCHRONICITY in your life will ultimately allow you to find the healthiest form of your relationship. Developing your deep Spiritual awareness and sharing this with your significant other, will positively lead you both to the higher divine plan for your life and your relationship. When you have a Spiritual foundation (Faith in God), at the center of your relationship, you will uncover the richest form of energy and joy.

Celebrate Your Differences

Partners come from varying backgrounds and have a lifetime of vast experiences prior to meeting each other, so they may have differences in their individual outlook and needs. Holding a higher Spiritual consciousness provides each person the inner security to explore their differences openly. In fact, each should view the differences with their partner as growth opportunities. For instance, one person may love outings in nature, and over time, the other person may learn to love the outdoors as well. While you both do not have to love doing all of the same things together, it is still important to try and be there for the other one in the moments they truly enjoy experiencing. It creates a meaningful respect and shows that you care. When the other can see you trying to be there for them, even when it may be something you don’t like to do, your efforts will be appreciated.  Acts of selflessness do not go unseen.

A trust built on Spirituality allows a full discussion of other issues as well. All of us have particular behaviors and habits that make us unique, and I have seen many expressed in several, different ways. Sometimes, in stress, people lash out or use harsh words that hit below the belt. While others, myself included, shell up or retreat into their minds. Some people like to communicate heavily under stress, whereas, others ignore stress completely, behaving as if a dream world will solve the problems they face. With so many various forms of stress management, it is only natural you may find yourself paired with someone who handles tough times very differently than you.

An inner, Spiritual security helps both parties feel open enough to explore their behaviors, and be honest enough to ask for their partner’s help in overcoming these patterns, should they be unhealthy habits to have. Remember to be understanding and supportive when your significant other comes to you for personal growth. You can support them by discussing the habits that feel hurtful to you. Then share your inner thoughts (Intuitions) of how to approach the more stressful times as they feel healthy for your relationship.

Understand Each Others’ Love Language

Discussions of Spirituality make it easier to discover each others’ emotional needs, and to create an ongoing dialog about whether these needs are being filled. People feel loved in different ways: some individuals want compliments or verbal reassurance, others want little acts of kindness, while others need larger, planned events and gifts. Again, take time to examine one another’s childhood and past romantic relationships. From a Spiritual perspective, this allows both partners to gain insight and awareness on each other, as well as having their needs met in a positive way.

Willingness To Accept Responsibility

Even with a firm, Spiritual foundation in place, disagreements will still occur. Be willing to accept responsibility when you inadvertently overlook your partner’s needs or feelings. Having a Spiritually-based relationship means not always having to win. Forgiveness is crucial, but be patient if the other person doesn’t immediately reconnect. Establish the Spiritual value that, given enough time and effort made, everyone can self-correct.  Let the other person come to a place of resolution with an issue in their own time, even if it takes a while.

Don’t Wait Too Long To Make Up

Having a Spiritually-based relationship means the relationship bond exists at the soul level. Therefore, resolve to give each other another chance. Holding grudges or being resentful due to unfinished or unsettled arguments, can push your relationship in a very damaging direction. So make an agreement up front that you will never go to bed mad, or holding onto negative feelings. Remember, tomorrow is not promised.

The 4 Qualities Of A Conscious Relationship

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So what exactly is a conscious relationship?

It’s a romantic relationship in which both partners feel committed to a sense of purpose, and that purpose is growth. Individual growth. Collective growth as a couple. Growth that makes the world a better place.

As of now, most people get into relationships to satisfy their own personal needs. This might work for a few years, but eventually the relationship fails us, and we end up unsatisfied as a result.

But when two people come together with the intention of growth, the relationship strives towards something much greater than gratification. The partnership becomes a journey of evolution, and the two individuals have an opportunity to expand more than they could alone. Deep satisfaction and long-term fulfillment arise as a result.

So if you’re someone who feels called to take your experience of romantic love to the next level, below are four qualities that characterize what being a conscious couple is all about. Welcome to the path of the conscious relationship. This is next-level love …

1. The conscious couple is not attached to the outcome of the relationship – growth comes first.

Not being attached to the outcome of the relationship does not mean you don’t care what happens! It also doesn’t mean that you don’t have fantasies about how the relationship will turn out.

What it means is: you’re more committed to the experience of growth than you are to making the relationship “work.”

The reality is, we’re here to grow. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When growth stops, we automatically feel like something’s gone wrong. Because it has. Without growth, we aren’t fulfilling our soul’s purpose.

Unfortunately, relationships today tend to stifle growth more than enhance it. This is one of the main reasons we’re failing at romantic love.

We want our partners to act in a certain way, we repress ourselves to please to others, and soon enough, we feel small, oppressed and puzzled about who we’ve become. This, inevitably, makes the relationship feel like a cage that we want to break out of. But the unfortunate truth is: we’ve caged ourselves.

The conscious couple values growth more than anything else because they know this is the secret to keeping the relationship alive. Even though growth is scary (because it takes us into the unknown), the couple is willing to strive towards expansion, even at the risk of out-growing the relationship. Because of this, the relationship maintains a natural feeling of aliveness, and love between the couple does, too.

2. Each person in the relationship is committed to owning their s#*t.

Conscious couples know that we all have wounds from the past, and they understand that these wounds will inevitably be triggered, especially in a relationship. In other words, they expect to feel abandoned, trapped, rejected, overlooked and any other shitty feeling that arises when we bond closely with another person.

Most of us still believe that relationships should only feel good, and when bad feelings surface, something has gone terribly wrong. What we fail to see in this situation is that these shitty feelings stem from our own faulty patterning! These issues are not caused by our partners; they’re caused byour beliefs.

The conscious couple is willing to look at their past and current issues in relationships because they know that by facing these beliefs systems, they can evolve into a new relationship-reality. Dysfunctional patterns will dissolve, but only when we take responsibility for them, first.

3. All feelings are welcome and no internal process is condemned.

In a conscious relationship, there’s room to feel anything. Not only that, there’s room to express those feelings and fantasies to your partner. This is edgy territory… it’s not easy to do. But it’s also one of the most healing things we can experience in a partnership

It’s rare to be completely honest about who you are, and to stretch yourself to let your partner do the same. You may not like what you hear; in fact, it may trigger the hell out of you. But you’re willing to be triggered if it means your partner can be authentic.

Like I already said, we’re used to molding and changing ourselves to please people we love because we don’t want them to stop loving us! This stifles the love out of our connections.

The only option is radical honesty: revealing parts of ourselves that are hard to share, and letting our partners do the same. This leads to feeling known, seen and truly understood — a combination that will automatically enhance your love.

4. The relationship is a place to practice love.

Love, ultimately, is a practice. A practice of acceptance, being present, forgiveness, and stretching your heart into vulnerable territories.

Sometimes we treat love like it’s a destination. We want that peak feeling all the time, and when it’s not there, we’re not satisfied with what the relationship has become. In my mind, this is missing the whole point of love.

Love is a journey and an exploration. It’s showing up for all varied nuances of your relationship and asking yourself, What would love do here?” The answer will be different every time, and because of this, you’ll get to grow in ways you never have before!

The conscious couple is fiercely committed to being the embodiment of love.And through their devotion and practice, love shows up in their lives and relationship in ways they would’ve never imagined before.

What Self-Loving People Do Differently

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I used to look at people who were successful, healthy and happy, wondering, “What’s their secret? Why can’t I do that?”

After a decadelong struggle with eating disorders, addiction, and self-loathing, I realized that the reason I couldn’t be happy like the people I envied was that I didn’t love myself and they did.

For me, shifting from self-loathing to self-love has been profoundly healing and epiphany-inducing. I can hardly believe how simple it’s been for me to quit smoking, eat well, exercise daily, find a loving relationship, and have the career of my dreams. And it’s all thanks to self-love.

Now, I see happy people and I smile, knowing that their lives are products of a series of habits that support their relationships with themselves.

Here are seven things that self-loving people do differently.

1. They listen to their emotions.

Most people spend their lives doing one of two things to their emotions: numbing or venting. Often, they do a combination of the two (i.e. they numb until they can’t hold it in anymore, then they explode).

Self-loving people do something very different — they accept each emotion as a piece of communication and they try to decode it. This way, emotions can become important guideposts on the journey of self-discovery, rather than annoying roadblocks.

2. They choose responsibility over blame.

When something negative happens, self-loving people will look for a way to take responsibility, rather than searching for someone to blame. They know that placing blame doesn’t solve the problem — it only cultivates anxiety and helplessness. By choosing to take responsibility, self-loving people do themselves the favor of encouraging change and acceptance rather than stewing in stagnation and suffering.

3. They feed their passions and talents.

Every person in this world feels the gentle tug of fascination toward some hobby or activity. Sometimes that tug isn’t so gentle! Self-loving people learn to recognize that inner longing as something important, and they devote their time and energy to nourishing those desires. Self-loving people do something every single day that they love doing, and they allow themselves the space to explore new interests that arise. They know that nourishing their own inner hunger is much more important than any fears they might have about what feeding it looks like.

4. They spend time alone.

Those who have unhealthy, abusive relationships with themselves often have an intolerance of being alone. The moment they have some space with themselves, they feel the incoming discomfort of self-defeating thoughts and toxic emotions, so they reach for the phone or the vice. Self-loving people do the opposite. They look forward to their time by themselves, just as you’d look forward to a date with a beloved friend. They not only make time for themselves, they start to miss their time alone if they don’t take it.

5. They sleep on it.

As we learn to respect ourselves, we become more long-term oriented. Instead of caving to momentary impulses and immediate gratification, self-loving people will sleep on it and weigh the outcomes of important decisions. Paradoxically enough, being able to delay gratification and think about long-term outcomes gives us the ability to enjoy our lives more in every single moment, because that “long-term” that we’re always thinking about becomes our entire way of life.

6. They teach people how to treat them and walk away if they cannot.

Those who deny themselves love, respect, and approval will inevitably seek those necessities from other people. When we base our relationships with others on approval-seeking and love-hunger, we’re not really respecting ourselves or other people. We’re just running each other dry.

That’s why self-loving people approach relationships from a place of self-sufficiency. They know what they need to feel respected and they know what they have to offer. They gently teach the people around them about their boundaries and, if those are crossed repeatedly, they have the courage to walk away.

7. They admit their mistakes.

Those who don’t have self-respect are always measuring themselves against some outside standard. In many cases, that standard is being “right.” They feel good when they’re right and crestfallen when they’re wrong, because their whole sense of identity is wrapped up in these labels. Self-loving people tend to identify with more permanent parts of their experience, rather than temporary states like right/wrong, old/young, happy/sad. They feel a deep, unconditional acceptance of themselves, which gives them the power to practice self-improvement without losing self-love. Thus, they not only admit when they’re wrong, they expect to be.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-16425/what-self-loving-people-do-differently.html

10 Essential Qualities of a Real Man Worth Dating

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I was recently wondering what I wanted in a relationship? This article really shed light on my own personal needs as a woman. This article relates to men and women in my perspective. Each human being wants to be treated with integrity and respect, no matter what gender they are.

In my recent relationship, it was very difficult to be praised or acknowledged for my work, my passions and my success. Nothing was ever said when I achieved something. In my heart, whether it’s a friend, a parent or a romantic relationship. It’s always such a gift and an honour to share accomplishments, life is not always easy and accomplishments do not fall from the sky.

When someone I love and care about shares some of their life’s victories and down falls on their own personal journey. A great deal of feeling and heartfelt emotions come up; from feeling humbled that the other has shared with me some of their most intimate moments on their journey. Knowing they have crossed onto the other side as a stronger and wiser person and have achieved the confidence and the courage to walk on their path, no matter how many personal fears they needed to confront. Being the hero in their own life!!

Being proud of the other is an emotion that comes from the heart and it is a good feeling. We are the other and the other is us. Let’s celebrate together! Isn’t this love?

No matter where I am in any relationship, I take great care and pride in celebrating accomplishments and dreams. It’s empathy towards the other to share your love and your support towards the relationship because it’s saying ” Hey, I know it took work, I know it took time, I know it to strength and you persevered. I am so proud of you! “.

Celebrating and praising the journey and the outcome are important and meaningful when you are in a healthy relationship. 

Thank-you

Love love love

Melika Emira Baccouche

10 Essential Qualities of a Real Man Worth Dating

1. A real man is responsive to your needs.
Real men don’t merely care about how you fit into their world; instead, they care about your individual needs. If your partner gets upset just because your needs interrupt his day or cause a minor inconvenience, then you should find someone less selfish to share your life with.

2. A real man would never project his faults onto you.
Real men don’t automatically assume a relationship’s problems are caused by you; instead, they take an honest look in the mirror before speaking up, because it can be easy to project your own problems onto another person. If your partner always points the finger at you instead of working together with you as a team, then he isn’t worthy of your companionship.

3. A real man is willing to take action without hesitation.
Real men don’t seek approval for every thing they do; instead, they are confident enough to take action without hesitation. While your partner should consult you about major life decisions that you deserve to have a say in, he shouldn’t be so hesitant that he seeks your permission for every single thing he does. If your partner is unable to exercise anything resembling independent thought, then he will become so clingy that you’ll want to scream.

4. A real man is passionate about something besides his relationship.
Real men don’t consider their relationship to be their one and only interest; instead, they have passions that don’t involve you. If your partner pitches a fit any time you make plans that don’t involve him, then you could be dating a person who is severely lacking in ambition.

5. A real man isn’t suspicious or paranoid without cause.
Real men don’t accuse you of cheating without cause; instead, they only speak up if they have a concrete reason for having a suspicion, and even then they do so in a way that doesn’t involve wild accusations. If your partner gets paranoid just because you happen to have male co-workers or friends (crazy idea since that is approximately half of the population), or if he is so suspicious that he snoops your texts and Internet use behind your back, then you might be dating Mr. Wrong.

6. A real man can stay calm and cool during a confrontation.
Real men don’t resort to insults, judgement or violence during a confrontation; instead, they are willing to talk through the issue without devolving to personal attacks. If your partner explodes in anger at the slightest provocation, then please tread cautiously for your own safety.

7. A real man cares about his appearance.
Real men don’t “let themselves go” just because they are married or in a sustainable relationship; instead, they continue to take care of their body. Physical appearance isn’t the most important thing in the world, but there is no denying that sexual attraction is a necessary ingredient of any healthy relationship. If your partner can’t be bothered to exercise or practice basic grooming habits, then expect your intimacy to die a slow and painful death.

8. A real man doesn’t add insult to injury.
Real men don’t proclaim “I told you so!” after winning an argument; instead, they let the issue go as if it didn’t even happen. If your partner makes you feel like a bad person just because you were wrong, then you might be dating a man who isn’t emotionally intelligent.

9. A real man is happy to bask in the present moment with the love of his life.
Real men aren’t so consumed by their work that they can’t be bothered to spend uninterrupted time with you; instead, they are happy to turn off their phone so they can focus on enjoying the present moment with a partner they know they are lucky to have. If your partner can’t turn away from his work, even for a moment, to express how much he loves and appreciates you… then he isn’t going to be capable of providing you with the romance and attention you deserve.

10. A real man isn’t concerned with fitting into societal stereotypes.
Real men aren’t spineless conformists; instead, they exercise independent thought to make their own decisions, with no concern for what “society” or “the guys” have to say about it. If your partner is always consumed by what is the “manly” thing to do, then you might be dating a man who isn’t capable of thinking for himself.

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-essential-qualities-real-man-worth-dating.html

THE POWER OF WORDS!

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Dear friends,

I feel inspired today to share some ancient well-known wisdom.

My brother is highly none religious and the most scientific and perfectionist person I know. He shared something with me many times and it highly resonated with my mind and my heart.

One day, I had made a mistake and I called myself stupid.

He reprimanded me and told me NEVER, EVER, to call myself stupid and to let go of diminishing my self-worth with words. In his philosophy, this would eventually connect with my mind. He told me that this had changed his life and had helped him improve his self-esteem and his life through the subconscious mind. He told me that our mind is like a computer and we re-inforce our thinking threw words. Words effect the way we think on a much deeper level that we can even be consciously aware of. Not only does it effect us but it effects others.

Since I have been reading the Autobiography of a Yogi from Yogananda, I have noticed the way a a Guru speaks to his disciples. The subconscious mind and the vibrations of word are much stronger than we think. The power of a Guru or a teacher is great, we are completely in awe of their accomplishments and we become very open to their opinions and words. If someone you trust and admire expresses to you that you are AMAZING, you feel amazing. Maybe sometimes you will even believe it deeply because it comes from someone of admiration.

I encourage kind words from your mouth, beautiful predictions for your future and to simply be mindful of the power of words. Dr. Anita Sharma expressed in our Ayurvedic classes many time; Turn your tongue 10 times before your speak.

To me this is a metaphor that applies on many levels in our lives. We are so much more powerful and beautiful then we know or that we could ever imagine. I wish for all of you to let go of the negative and jump into gratitude. Do not waste energy on useless people or useless conversation. Express the good and the bad but be aware of what you are truly saying. Don’t keep the negative emotions inside express!! But don’t stay in a repetitive negative hamster wheel. This is the ego that does not want to turn the attention to the heart and the soul. Be aware that there is a way to transform a negative into a positive. You can do this the moment you have come to peace with any situation and you are ready to look inside.

I personally always ask myself the question: Why am I really angry or sad? What button did this person push to affect me in this way?

Often my answer is, expectation! I expected something else, these are my emotions and no one has the capacity to hurt me but myself. If I had no expectations; how can the pain or hurt touch me? We must first respect our own self if we want others to respect us. We must give the same amount of unconditional love and space for freedom to others, as the amount we wish for ourselves. Love is space, love is space to be yourself and when you give yourself this gift, you will more and more allow others to be themselves.

We must allow others to make mistakes or be who they are fully and truly. Just like we must practice self-forgivness, we must look at others as our mirrors. They deserve the same forgiveness, there will never be the perfect conclusion you want in any relationship or the definition of a perfect relationship. We are made of different stripes and we have so much to learn everyday. Let go of the negative and sprinkle your magical words everywhere. It will change the way you live and it will change the way you think. As a self made gift by your own efforts, a nice feeling will be living in your heart at all times. Be humble with yourself and others. This is the only way to grow, learn and constantly let go to allow space for new energy.

Words by Yogananda

Words saturated with sincerity, conviction, faith, and intuition are like highly explosive vibration bombs, which, when set off, shatter the rocks of difficulties and create the change desired….Sincere words or affirmations repeated understandingly, feelingly, and willingly are sure to move the Omnipresent Cosmic Vibratory Force to render aid in your difficulty. Appeal to that Power with infinite confidence, casting out all doubt; otherwise the arrow of your attention will be deflected from its mark.

“After you have sown in the soil of Cosmic Consciousness your vibratory prayer-seed, do not pluck it out frequently to see whether or not it has germinated. Give the divine forces a chance to work uninterruptedly.”

— Paramahansa Yogananda
Self-Realization Fellowship Paramahansa Yogananda-small background texture imageScientific Healing Affirmations

“As one uses different affirmations, his attitude of mind should change; for example, will affirmations should be accompanied by strong determination; feeling affirmations by devotion; reason affirmations by clear understanding. When healing others, select an affirmation that is suitable to the conative, imaginative, emotional, or thoughtful temperament of your patient. In all affirmations intensity of attention comes first, but continuity and repetition mean a great deal, too. Impregnate your affirmations with devotion, will, and faith, intensely and repeatedly, unmindful of the results, which will come naturally as the fruit of your labors.”

— Paramahansa Yogananda
Self-Realization Fellowship Paramahansa Yogananda-small background texture imageScientific Healing Affirmations

The 5 Characteristics Of Couples That Last!

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As a coach and soon-to-be therapist, I spend a great deal of time and energy studying relationships: what helps them to succeed, what leads to their expiration, and what impedes their growth.

The more I learn about these issues, the more challenging it gets. To be honest, the project of studying relationships while being in one is kind of like Googling a symptom and diagnosing yourself with every known disease. It ain’t easy.

In fact, learning about what it takes to be in a successful relationship while being in a committed partnership is, at best, laced with frustration and growth; and at its worst, it’s a recipe for disaster.

Most of us know that the beginnings of most relationships tend to be filled with romance, passion, and cheese plates, and that this “honeymoon phase” inevitably ends. Yet “successful” couples last for a reason. Over time, they work together as a team to create a loving and comfortable companionship. While everyone is different, I think the recipe for lasting love is fostered by certain qualities ….

Based on my studies, here are the five characteristics of couples that last:

1. Dedication

A skilled clinician can tell within 10 minutes of meeting a couple whether their relationship stands a chance. How? By asking a simple question, “How committed are you to making this work?” Each partner’s commitment to the relationship not only informs whether they will last, but the overall level of satisfaction for both partners.

Let’s face it: relationships take work! Both partners need to be ready to work together, not against each other. That said, it’s important to note that high conflict doesn’t make for a bad relationship necessarily. It’s about whether the conflict gets resolved or shoved to the side (and results in a Pompeii-esque eruption). As long as both parties are willing to work for it, there’s a good chance they can make it work.

2. Appreciation

Couples who stay together happily don’t just love each other, but they actively appreciate each other. I don’t care what Disney says: love is not enough. Successful couples admire and genuinely respect each other’s point of view, values, and goals. It’s a practice, and it requires a sustained effort.

3. Empathy

Empathy, as opposed to sympathy, is understanding how others feel from their perspective, rather than projecting our own emotions onto another’s situation. Happy couples actively work to understand and validate one another’s emotional states. This, in turn, increases prosocial behaviors (such as helping, volunteering, and expressing concern). Stepping outside of yourself, on occasion, is essential for making your significant other feel, well, significant!

4. Sexual Attraction

We’ve been conditioned to believe that attraction inevitably fades in time. As men approach middle age, testosterone declines and it may take more time and work to create excitement. Women, on the other hand have proportionately more estrogen and enter what I like to call their dirty thirties (or filthy forties).

This increase in desire coupled with the male’s decline can impact one’s self-esteem and the relationship itself. At that point, attraction becomes even more important. The good news is that chemistry increases when both people share why they are attracted to the other person, whether that be physically or emotionally.

5. Companionship

Happy couples enjoy spending time together. No, I’m not just talking about sitting next to each other while watching reruns of Family Guy and eating takeout. I mean actually spending quality time together and making it a priority.

Of course, sometimes we get tired and want to laze around with our partner. And that’s OK. But the same way communication in relationships takes work, so does making time for intentional quality time.

This may sound obvious, but you’d be surprised how many couples only hang out while running errands, discussing daycare, or fighting about who left the cap off the toothpaste.