Category Archives: panic attacks

Mind Games! Listen to You Gut!

Your-Spouse-Going-Crazy

Unfortunately, there is a good chance that we have all been gaslighted by someone at some point in our lives, even if it was just on a small scale by someone we barely know.

Sadly, many fall victim to it within their intimate relationships, or even in dealings with “friends” or family members.

There is also a high chance that we will have failed to spot someone was playing this insidious mind game with us and until we fully understand it, there is a high chance that it could happen again.

One of the main reasons we may not recognise it is that many of us will fail to believe those we trust and love are capable of manipulating us (it is this denial that keeps the dynamic going.) Also, the gaslighter will most likely be highly skilled at covering their tracks, keeping things subtle and being a skilled master or mistress of deception.

Gaslighting is one of the most extreme, dangerous and effective forms of emotional and psychological abuse and is mostly carried out intentionally. Gaslighting is a game of mind control and intimidation that is often used by narcissists and sociopaths as a way of controlling, confusing and debilitating someone.

The term gaslighting was coined in the 1938 play Gas Light and the film adaptions that were then created helped to enhance its popularity.

In the play the husband used forms of manipulation in an attempt to drive his wife crazy, for example he deliberately dims the gaslights in the house but told his wife that she was imagining it. With the use of various tricks he tried to convince his wife that she was going insane and also that she was losing her memory.

The whole intention of gaslighting is to decrease someone’s self-esteem and self-confidence so they are unable to function in an independent manner. The person being gaslighted will eventually become so insecure that they will fail to trust their own judgment, their intuition and find themselves unable to make decisions.

Eventually the victim will become so unsure of what reality looks like that they become completely dependent on their abuser. The abuser will appear to the victim to be the only one to have a clear grip of their mind and also of what is going on around them.

The abuser will systematically and frequently withhold information and then deliberately alter facts to disorientate their victim.

They may also remove things from certain places and then deny doing so to destabilize and confuse the other person.

The abuser will refrain from mentioning specific details and then convince the other person that they had told them, so the victim thinks they are losing their memory or their mind.

The abuser will say something then ask their victim to repeat what it is they have said. When the victim repeats clearly word for word, the abuser will lie to say they haven’t said a particular word, or that they have spoken it in a different tone of voice to that of which the abuser heard. For example, the abuser may say something angrily or aggressively, but when the victim gets upset, they will completely deny having used this tone, quickly changing their voice to a gentler and calmer tone. The abuser may then accuse their victim of deliberately trying to hear everything they say in a negative way—even though the abuser knows they deliberately wanted to appear as aggressive and negative.

Often, the abuser will want to create levels of distrust within the relationship to make the victim feel they either are cheating, or would cheat at the first opportunity. They may say things to make their victim feel insecure and jealous, for example, deliberately mentioning a certain person in a way that makes it sound as though there is more going on behind the scenes. When the victim questions this, the abuser will accuse the victim of having trust issues and this will falsely further confirm in the victim’s mind that they have serious insecurities and also, that they are extremely paranoid.

The abuser will make up very convincing lies to deliberately upset the other person and then call them names, mock them and put them down for getting upset and for overreacting. The abuser will also make light of anything that the victim feels is important to make the victim’s opinions, life-choices and thoughts seem juvenile or that they are inferior to their own. It is likely that the abuser will laugh at or sneer at their victim, but when questioned, convince their victim that they were imagining it.

Some warning signs that gaslighting is taking place:

Apologizing. A victim of gaslighting will constantly be apologizing for doing things wrong, even if they have done nothing wrong. Feeling sorry for everything means that the accountability and responsibility for all perceived wrong-doings has been claimed by one person—the victim. This ensures the perpetrator remains innocent and the victim is continuously guilty.

Can’t Make decisions. The victim will find decision making increasingly difficult, as they will feel that whatever they choose will be the wrong choice. Everything they do or say is wrong, so they feel that they are no longer capable of making rational decisions about anything, so they will leave it up to their abuser. This just gives the abuser even more power and control and prolongs the toxic dance that is taking place between the two.
 
Change. Change is not always easy to notice, since most change happens bit by bit, so the process can feel very natural in some ways. However, if the victim thinks back to who they were before the relationship and who they are now, they will probably see significant differences.

Confusion. Victims of gaslighting will often be in a constant state of bewilderment and confusion. They find it very difficult to trust their own mind, and constantly doubt their thought process. Their instinct fails to kick in because whenever it does, it is very quickly told that it is wrong, so it becomes a silent tool that ensures the gaslighter remains on top of their game. The victim will know that there is something seriously wrong, but they will find it extremely difficult to work out what. The person being gaslighted will always be wondering if they are overly sensitive as they always feel triggered to react to the gaslighter’s behaviour.

Withdrawn. The one being gaslighted will become withdrawn and often reclusive as they feel so low and beaten down that they have little confidence to socialise with anyone. The victim will feel safer spending time alone than with other people, as when those around them question what is wrong, or what is happening within their relationship, the victim just will not have the answers to justify what is going on.

Due to either depression or severe anxiety, the victim will find it extremely difficult to function normally within society or even with close friends or family. The abuser at this stage has won the battle for control, as without anyone to confide in the victim will find it very difficult to work out that it is the abuser that is causing the damage. The abuser will not want anyone to figure out their game, so, they will work hard to make sure their victim becomes alienated from anyone who could offer support.

Overall, the main reason for gaslighting is to create a dynamic where the abuser has complete control over their victim so that they are so weak that they are very easy to manipulate.

The gaslighter wants to appear superior to the one being gaslighted. By making their victim feel completely helpless with very low self-esteem, the abuser has complete domination over them, so they are very successful in manipulating their victim to get whatever it is they want. This can range from simply having their ego stroked by feeling like they are significantly better than the person they are with, and at the extreme end to being able to gain financial, sexual or material benefits as their victim feels too emotionally and mentally weak to fight back.

There are many reasons that someone would gaslight someone else, but it is always done for personal gain. The abuser has very little interest in their victim, other than using them for their own twisted benefit. When the victim becomes so low down that they are no longer of any great use to the gaslighter the relationship will die out. The abuser will distance themselves by ignoring their victim and using silent treatment as an intense form of emotional torture.

The victim will have no idea what to do to please or satisfy their abuser, and will often try anything to win over their abuser to regain the affection that was shown in the beginning stages. By now though, it is far too late. Any little amount of respect that the abuser had for their victim will have been completely depleted and it is very unlikely that the dynamic will change again.

The abuser will often walk away from their victim leaving them with a deep sense of frustration, shame, guilt, anger and often riddled with anxiety and depression. The victim is usually left in a vortex that they will struggle to climb out of, however, this will be compounded by a deep sense of relief that this vicious dance is over.

The abuser will walk away with a great feeling of satisfaction having won each and every battle and will move onto their next innocent victim with even more skill and experience, so they can begin this horrendous war once again.

The victim will very likely need counseling and a huge amount of support to build themselves back to a stage where they have confidence and can trust their own mind and intuition. It is imperative that the victim realizes that they have been a pawn in a very nasty game so they can let go of all the blame they have placed upon themselves and become familiar with the warning signs so that they do not fall victim again.

Anyone who has come through this type of experience will feel debilitated at first, however, they will only be temporarily weakened. They will bounce back stronger than before, having learned painful but valuable lessons along the way. The most important lesson—having complete faith in their intuition. As difficult as it is to accept, there are always red flags and warning signs in the initial stages.

When these signals show up, this is when we must trust completely in our instincts and never fail to listen to what our gut feelings are telling us. Our fight or flight reactions are there for a reason—to prevent us from entering into dangerous situations. When we feel an urgency to take flight—fly.

Fly far and don’t look back

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ANXIETY AND AYURVEDA

IS.33-2006 Painting Vishnu as Vishvarupa (cosmic or universal man); Vishnu as Cosmic man, watercolour on paper, early 19th century, Jaipur. Jaipur Ca. 1800-1820 Watercolour on paper

Since I began doing consultations as an Ayurvedic practitioner,

I’ve noticed one common element in which 4 of out 5 patients seem to all have in common. They all seem to be suffering from anxiety, anxiety disorders and panic attacks. Common symptoms in Ayurveda are: tremors, uncontrollable thoughts, spasms, difficulty breathing, heart palpitations, a feeling of emptiness, every sound seems more intense and people feel very sensitive to energy. It’s as tho they have become a sponge for all the energy in the world.

We already have enough to deal with our own lives and our own health, it becomes even more difficult to feel everything, sound, sight, touch, energy, like a waterfall of bricks falling over you.

It becomes harder to go to work, to go do groceries and to even see friends for some of us. We slowly start allowing our fear to manage our life by avoiding mundane habits and social settings that we usually thrived in and enjoyed. Everything is taken more personally, we feel as tho everyone is looking at us and judging us. It can even become difficult to eat in front of other’s or to simply say hello to our best friends. Depending on the type of anxiety level you have or the type of anxiety you developed.

In Ayurveda this is called a Vata unbalance. It can be triggered by many things. A post traumatic stress that was not dealt with or noticed, a heartbreak, a burn out. To many ignored emotion’s kept inside which created a blockage of your energy from circulating properly, everything becomes stuck.

Sometime’s the thoughts are so uncontrollable and negative that we would love to cut our heads off to calm the noise and to simply stop feeling and living in a constant state of fear. The hardest thing is to have the knowledge and the logic to know that we have no reason to be fearful but the fear is still present.

It feels like some fear mongering monster has taken over your brain and your body, reacting with different manifestation’s of fear and not even knowing why? For me this was the hardest thing.

In ayurveda Vata is considered the dosha air and space. Air and space are beautiful, they connect with creativity, communication, fluidity, being open to change, feeling like a social butterfly, joy, clarity and so many other wonderful gifts. Vata is also responsible for physical movement, movement of thoughts, feelings and nerve impulses, movement of the organs for ingestion to assimilate and absorption of nutrients. Vata governs the mind, sensory perception, motor functions; including speech and muscular coordination.

When there is to much Vata, we are drying out our nervous system which is one of the primary sites of Vata. The colon is a primary site of Vata as well and when there is derangement we tend to become constipated, the mucus membrane diminishes. We have difficulty focusing or have difficulty sleeping and feel a sense of breathlessness when we feel anxious. My personal experience was feeling my heart and my chest cramped up with difficulty breathing from morning until night. This was constant anxiety and don’t get me started on my panic attacks :).

As someone who has suffered from anxiety, it was a relief to know that I was not the only one. That this seems like an epidemic, to my 50 year old male clients, to my 22 year old female clients. There is a consistency going on with the way people are responding to stress and their environment in our society.  Everyone is different and has a different body type. I will give you general information to bring you back into balance. Things that I practice everyday or almost everyday :).

Pranayama was a great help to me, the practice of Aloma Veloma, alternate nostril breathing and Kapalabhati, shinning skull. Do not practice these exercises with breath retention since the goal is to push the air out of the body not hold more in. These exercises are going to re-build your gray matter in the brain and your white coating of myelin sheath; white coating around your brain.

To put it in a simple way, are nervous system in our brain is like a room full of electrical wires all plugged into each other. Vata dry’s out the matter, the protection surrounding the electrical cord. When this is gone, you lose control of your nervous system and it’s natural functions.

Fight or flight a natural instinct for survival becomes very sensitive and the brain gets confused and feels the urge to flight.

Be mindful of not watching to many action or horror movies. Try taking in healthy impressions, being receptive to positive things and going for silent walks in nature to breath and ground yourself. The brain is primarily a Vata organ and there are factors that damage the brain and strips it from it’s cerebrospinal fluid. Excessive sensory stimulation, too much thought, too much worry, stimulants like coffee, sugar and drugs. A derangement in the brain will manifest as; insomnia, poor motor function and sensory function, spasms, tremors.

Yoga: Very soft and slow yoga, grounding poses and heart opening poses. Try to practice with your eyes closed and soft music alone. Be very soft and gently with yourself. When you do heart opening exercises try to exhale deeply. If you feel like letting out an animalistic noise, go for it. This is expelling the extra air and the negative emotions that need to move out of your body and your mind! Developed a harmonious routine, practice letting go and end the day with a beautiful gift to yourself of an Abyanga! Self-Massage!! Almond oil in my teachings and apricot oil is fine for all body types. The smell of jasmine, rose and sandalwood is soft and bring up emotion’s of love, softness and relaxation 1 or 2 drops is enough, essential oils are very concentrated and you do not want to put to much. Sometime’s less is more. Apply the base all over your body and simply send yourself love and be present. You can apply oil in your nose, your ears, under you feet and deeply massage your head with circular motions to help the nervous system replenish itself.

Slowly slowly sleep will become better, cultivating relaxation is an art. We are in a world where everyone is over stimulated. Try to turn your cell phone off before bed and take your time before you open it in the morning. Sing and allow your energy to flow, cultivate presence and mindfulness. Enjoy your LIFE! Not everyone else’s threw a screen. Moderation in anything in life is the key.

Allow yourself to listen to soft music and simply chill 1 hour before bed. Without constant television and stimulation, just be in your body and be in your thoughts. If you are not connected to yourself, no one can do it for you. These are the tools and if you practice for 1 week, you will already feel a difference.

Do not push to hard and listen to yourself. If you need to stay home because of a long stressful day at work. Stay home, there will be many more occasions to go out but your health is priority. When you have your health the rest will come.

Last but not least 2 magical herbs for every body-type,ashwaganda andtriphala.

LOVE LOVE LOVE!!

Author: Melika Emira Baccouche