Category Archives: compassion

LOVE IN ALL IT`S SPLENDOR

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How do you see  love and being loved?

I have always been a person that was hungry for love, to give love and to be loved. Since I can remember the idea that I had of love was like a Hollywood movie, full of drama, romance and high emotions at all times.

With my experiences in my relationships, I think I attracted willingly my idea of love but was it ever so draining and tiring.  Living at a constant state of powerful emotions, I love you, I hate you, fighting and making up. The middle was never an option for me, I didn`t even realize that I did have this option available because my perception was not real, romantic novels and movies are not real life. As a true romantic I needed to change my perception and my definition of love.

 

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First came the notion of self-love

With experience comes knowledge and wisdom for all of us and we can choose to repeat old patterns and expect different results but we can also chose to change our patterns and truly receive different results in every area of or life. We can choose to be a victim or the take responsibility for what we have co-created.

My idea of love changed completely and the more I started to honor myself, to love myself, to understand my being, my essence. To nourish my values, my commitments and my dreams. The less I needed to find someone to complete me because I felt complete on my own. The less I searched for love outside of myself. It was all and always was present from within, self-love simply needed to be nourished by encouraging it in my daily practice. I made a clear decision to divorce emotionally and mentally my past relationships and to start practicing new ways of love. This extended in my life, in all of my relationships, family, friends and even work. It has even extended in how I treat my home my things, the productivity of my work and with love we plant seeds, with nourishment we allow things to grow, with care we obtain results.

 

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How I define love now

Love is acceptance, love is patience, love is respect, love is choosing your battles, love is space, love is peace, love is being responsible for you own happiness, love is sweet, forgiving and humble because none of us are perfect and we are all here to learn from our journey on this earth. Love is understanding.

Don`t love like a beggar, love like a king or a queen. What I mean by this is love with elegance, kindness, courage, intelligence, composure and deliberation so the person you are with knows where they stand. No one can guess what you are feeling or thinking so be open and communicate with ease and peace.

Love is taking responsibility for your own insecurities and working on theme so they do not consume your relationships. Love is not blame, it is not using someone’s vulnerabilities as ammo. Words are powerful and they cannot be taken back.

Never settle! You are deserving just like any living creature on this planet.

I send all of you love and hope you enjoyed this article. Please feel free to send me your opinion’s on this subject.

Mélika Emira Baccouch

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More Hard Hitting Words From the Dalai Lama About the Mass Brainwashing of Society

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The 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet is always garnering a lot of attention, and for good reasons. Most recently, he told the world that simply praying is not the answer for the incident that occurred in Paris, as well as other similiar atrocities that seem to happen all over the globe. He stated that humans have created this problem, and now we are asking God to solve it, which makes no sense. If we created this mess, we should be the ones to solve it, not God.  His comments went viral as they resonated with so many people around the world who realize that action on a mass scale is required at this time to change the direction our planet seems to be going in.

Intertwined with the Paris attacks are the realities of war, and there is a great piece written on the Dalai Lama’s website site regarding the mass brainwashing of human beings. This is something we touch upon regularly on our website, especially when it comes to incidents of terrorism, war, and the creation of these groups who are carrying out these attacks all over the world.

“War and the large military establishments are the greatest sources of violence in the world. Whether their purpose is defensive or offensive, these vast powerful organizations exist solely to kill human beings. We should think carefully about the reality of war. Most of us have been conditioned to regard military combat as exciting and glamorous – an opportunity for men to prove their competence and courage. Since armies are legal, we feel that war is acceptable; in general, nobody feels that war is criminal or that accepting it is criminal attitude. In fact, we have been brainwashed. War is neither glamorous nor attractive. It is monstrous. Its very nature is one of tragedy and suffering.”(source)

This (above) statement really hits home. If you think about it, these vast and powerful organizations, and the military in general, “solely exist to kill human beings.” As the Dalai Lama touches upon, we are conditioned and made to believe that military service is something to be proud of. Sure, these men and women may be entering into the service in order to serve their country, with a tremendous amount of bravery and good hearted intentions, but what they do not know is that this global war on terrorism is a complete fabrication. The enemy they are made to believe they’re defending their country from is actually a product of their own country. As Dr. Michel Choissudovsky, University of Ottawa’s Emeritus Professor of Economics tells us, the global war on terrorism is completely fake and based on fake premises. Soldiers have been brainwashed into thinking that they are going after an enemy and defending their own country when that same enemy is fully supported and financed by the western military alliance, and as the Dalai Lama sates:

This is exactly why “we feel that war is acceptable,” because we are made to believe it’s a necessary course of action.

He then goes on to state that:

“We are so conditioned to see it as thrilling that we talk about this or that marvelous weapon as a remarkable piece of technology without remembering that, if it is actually used, it will burn living people. War also strongly resembles a fire in the way it spreads. If one area gets weak, the commanding officer sends in reinforcements. This is throwing live people onto a fire. But because we have been brainwashed to think this way, we do not consider the suffering of individual soldiers. No soldiers want to be wounded or die. None of his loved ones wants any harm to come to him. If one soldier is killed, or maimed for life, at least another five or ten people – his relatives and friends – suffer as well. We should all be horrified by the extent of this tragedy, but we are too confused.” (source)

The extent of this brainwashing is quite massive, and if we are going to stop the murder of other human beings and war in general, it is that ‘brainwashed’ soldier that needs to wake up. It is a human being pulling the trigger, giving the orders, and thinking that they are doing something good. We are the reason why war exists in the first place, we created it, we participate in it and we prolong it. Just imagine what would happen if every human being on the planet refused to participate in war? This is why we say change needs to come from within, and as more soldiers wake up to what’s really happening here, there will be more of them who refuse to go to war.

“No matter how malevolent or evil are the many murderous dictators who can currently oppress their nations and cause international problems, it is obvious that they cannot harm others or destroy countless human lives if they don’t have a military organisation accepted and condoned by society.” (source)

Some of these soldiers that are used by their corporate/big bank puppet masters are starting to wake up and speak out. Linked below is an article that provides two excellent examples, with some shocking information that many people are still waking up to (graphic footage warning).

Horrible & Numbing”: Chilling testimony from U.S. Air Force Drone Operator On His First Kill”

As far as this manufactured global war on terrorism, you can check out this article, among others:

Professors & Politicians Gather To Warn Us About The New World Order

The Dalai Lama Then goes on to speak about how expensive war is. This is something many people think about – the fact that the money pumped into the military, and the Department of Defense in the United States alone (including black the black budget) could completely alleviate  poverty and hunger on our planet.  That being said, money is made out of thin air, typed up on a computer screen and printed at will by the controlling elite.

We are talking about, as X Canadian Defense Minister Paul Hellyer states, “trillions, and I mean thousands of billions of dollars” that “have been spent on projects which both congress and the commander in chief no nothing about.” Welcome to what president Eisenhower called the military industrial complex where, as he warned us, the rise for misplaced power exists and will persist. What would he say about what’s happened today?

The point is, if we are going to use money as a tool, why not take that many and allocate it to provide food, shelter and clothing for everybody on the planet? The defense expenditures of a couple of countries alone could do this no problem.

“We should feel fed up with the violence and killing going on around us. If a human being is killed by an animal, it’s sad, but if a human being is killed by another human being it’s unthinkable. We have to make a special effort to think of each other as fellow human beings, as our brothers and sisters.” – Dalai Lama (source)

Thank you Dalai Lama for saying the things that you have said within the past few months.

By Arjun Walia / collective-evolution.com

You can read his full article HERE.

SEKHEM REIKI

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When I first got initiated to Reiki, my wonderful teacher Fiona Young spoke of Sekhem. She told us she would initiate us with the symbols of Sekhem as well and attune our hands and our feet so we could receive the healing energy of the earth as well as the cosmos.

I’ve recently started feeling and seeing symbols with my hands and my feet when I am giving a Reiki treatment. The symbol above is a good representation of what I feel and see in the energetic realm of reality.  I was curious about what the symbols meant and did some research, having completely forgotten what Sekhem was and never really understanding what Fiona Young meant when she was speaking about it during our attunments. She also spoke of the traditional Reiki tradition which is what initially spoke to me. Slowly after years of practicing Reiki, Sekhem popped up and my selective memory opened up and I remembered some of these teachings.

The spiritual path is never ending and I feel very grateful for the wonderful experience of being a channel for the divine loving energy that always surrounds us. I feel grateful to be able to share it with those who need it and are willing to receive it. It is all around us  and we are all able to receive it. Simply ask and you shall receive!

Sending Love! Love! Love!

Melika Emira Baccouche

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Sekhem is a very powerful transformational force in energy healing. It is believed to be the healing energy taught and practiced by the Priesthood in the temples of ancient Egypt. There are references to Sekhem in scrolls and hieroglyphs indicating that ‘Sekhem’ denoted ‘Power’ or ‘Might’ when used in spiritual terms.” Simon Treselyan

Sekhem has a close connection to the Egyptian lion – headed Goddess Sekhmet -the Goddess of a thousand names. She destroys all that is no longer of value and brings healing to the world.

Many people not connected with Egypt and her archetypes experience the energies in different ways. Other powerful archetypes, saints and angels carry the same energy and manifest to the initiates. The energy comes through in the way most appropriate for each student or person receiving healing.

Sekhem means the “Power of Powers” and it is connected with our own empowerment for both healing and spiritual development. Once initiated all our healing work improves exponentially.

Egyptian Sekhem is more powerful than Reiki and it works on different energy bodies simultaneously. This results in the avoidance of a prolonged healing crisis and is a great aid in spiritual development.

Egyptian Sekhememploys 3D symbols which are linked to the science of the pyramids.

Reiki uses symbols two-dimensionally so Seichim/Reiki Masters will benefit both from the increase in power and dimensionality when using their Seichim/Reiki symbols. At Advanced level and beyond it is the original Egyptian Sekhem energy and how it manifests symbolically. This energy is fundamentally Unconditional Love in its pure form. The symbols include access tointer-dimensional portals.

Some of the benefits of Egyptian Sekhem are:

  • Accelerating the infinite process of spiritual development and enlightenment
  • Assisting in manifesting our goals
  • Increasing our psychic powers and abilities to see energy
  • Increasing our feeling of aliveness by bringing us more fully into the present
  • Increasing awareness of who we are and about our relationships
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Egyptian Sekhem Masters are encouraged to be initiated into the Egyptian Cartouche. This is a very powerful initiation not suitable for beginners in which the initiate embodies the frequencies of each of the archetypal energies in turn. The initiation into the archetypes brings about a state of heightened awareness and a deep understanding of those energies. Psychics who are initiated receive clearer information and powers of mediumship are enhanced.

 

The foundation of the system is the attunement to the male and female aspects of the Ultimate Divinity as expressed through both Egyptian and Kaballastic symbolism. This foundation is included as part of the Seichem Reiki Mastership– see below.

Subsequently there is an initiation into 25 different archetypal energies. These energies are represented by 25 different symbols. These symbols represent certain Universal Archetypes. Those universal concepts remain the same regardless of whether the shape of the symbol is a Rune, Egyptian Hieroglyph or Astrological Sign. The 9 major symbols correspond to the early Egyptian Pantheon known as the Ennead of Heliopolis.

These represent those energies which are the purest archetypal aspects possible. Universal or cosmic energy is totally impersonal being neither good nor evil. It is coloured by the intention of the user. Cosmic Laws and the energies they cover do not belong to anyone creed, religion or philosophy.

“Cartouche” is the oval within which the hieroglyphs are drawn. Usually the cartouche contains the name of a sovereign or person of high rank. Many of the symbols within the Egyptian Cartouche are familiar to us such as the pyramid, the caduceus, the lotus etc.

These ancient symbols capture the essence of the forces or energies that govern the universe. “Archetype” means first type or pattern. An archetype represents principles that can be personified.

Each symbol is accurately tuned to its own respective energy field, ray or vibration and to employ its use is to invoke the forces it represents.

This system is incorporating the work of Kathleen Milner, Simon Treselyan and Murry Hope.

SEICHIM REIKI

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Seichim is a system of Reiki Healing which incorporates the traditional Usui Reiki System symbols with slight variations but with a very different form of initiation.  It includes many extra symbols, methods of awakening and healing and focuses more on the Heart and upper Chakras.  As such it is a very spiritual form and it vibrates with the principal ofUnconditional Love.  Some of the symbols are connected to ancient Egypt and Seichim is the foundation system for Egyptian Sekhem Mystery School.  The symbols assist with the opening of the 3rd Eye and Crown and strengthening the spiritual connection.
The Chinese Goddess of Kwan Yin – the Goddess of Compassion
Seichim is a high level system with only 2 levels of initiation and it is ideal for those Reiki Masters who would like to progress with greater scope of symbols, a deeper understanding of forgiveness and unconditional love and an acceleration of their spiritual journey.

SEICHEM REIKI

This system was created by Kathleen Milner after coming across Patrick Ziegler’s Sekhem work and it includes full Reiki Initiation.  Some of the symbols are also contained in the Karuna System – see Reiki Energy Mastery section.  It is a stand-alone system but it can be given in addition to Usui Mastership.  It is pronounced ‘say keem’ and it originated in ancient Egypt.

http://www.egyptianskhm-reiki.com/index.php/initiations-egyptian_systems/?k=31967:4::

 

PLEASE REMOVE YOUR SHOES

49994394172a8ec05e7428102d4b8d21When I come home, I take off my shoes and go inside. I never thought to do it the other way around, until now.

Aside from the beach or your backyard, how often do you take off your shoes and walk around outside? If you are like me, you can’t remember when—it may have been sometime in childhood.

Every morning for the past 15 years, I’ve walked my dog in the woods next to my cottage. A couple of days ago I finally slipped off my shoes and walked barefoot. This is what I learned.

1. I still worry about what people think.

As soon as I took off my shoes I had a minute worrying that passerby’s might think I had either taken LSD or was stuck in the ’70s. I also realized how weird it was to have shoes on all of the time. We are animals after all. The only animals that wear lace up, padded shoes.

2. The earth is soft.

So soft in fact that it deeply moved me. Like touching a beloved’s cheek. The temperature of the dirt changed step after step depending on the tree cover over me, and the leaf litter under me. The moisture, the rocks, the shade, the direction of the wind. It all mattered.

3. Walking barefoot is best done slowly and gently.

This way of moving alters your mind and mood. The sharp rocks and prickly oak leaves are there, but it is no big deal. The animal in us knows how to shift our weight, slide a little to the left, step on a rock, or not.

4. Walking barefoot creates presence.

Mind chatter dissipates. The birds are less suspicious. We are quieter and the animals tend to stick around more. We notice sounds, smells and see more detail as we slowly pass by.

5. Sensing connection.

I could really sense the “mother” in mother earth as I stood on her warm skin. I felt the biosphere. The connection of us all. Roots nested under the soles of my feet, cool spikes of growth poking through the earth all around me, and leafing out above me. Feeling the rumble of the creek rise up through my small bones. The delicate nature of our world. I also realized why my dog walks where she walks.

Last month, my mentor, Martha Beck first encouraged me to remove my socks and shoes and venture out on the earth barefoot. We were at a retreat surrounded by horse pastures. I have been lucky enough to have spent much of my life in the company of wonderful horses but this was the very first time I was shoeless. It was a whole new, almost unexplainable experience. When the horses noticed me, they stopped eating and trotted up to the fence. I silently moved towards them. They seemed very curious and very calm. We stood together on the warm earth for a long while, and then noiselessly, we separated as one.

It is amazing to me how wearing shoes on my feet has separated me from so much of who I am, and what I am a part of.

I am completely aware that much of this may sound hokey but I encourage you to try this simple yet slightly radical act of slipping off your shoes and walking in the dirt. Please leave a comment and let me know what you discover.

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/11/please-remove-your-shoes-how-to-find-the-mother-in-mother-earth/

BALANCING KARMA

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light and energy, and affects how we see things. Many people leave the path because they cannot deal with the challenges they encounter when karma descends. These records have to be balanced, transmuted and consumed.

So, what exactly is karma? Karma is the law of cause and effect. It is well known in Hinduism, Buddhism and other ancient wisdom teachings and some scholars believe the doctrine of karma existed for a thousand years prior to the beginning of Christianity. We even find reference to it in Christianity: “As a man soweth, so shall he reap”. The masters describe karma as “energy/consciousness in action.”

Every thought, word, feeling, action and deed that you send out into the universe will return to you. This is the law of the universe. By our free will choices we are constantly qualifying the light-energy that is flowing to us. If we qualify it in a positive way, good things come back to us. By the same token, if we qualify it in a negative way, that too will return to us. Karma is a great teacher.

The law of karma is exact and states that whatever energy is sent out goes around, gathers more of the same, and returns back to the sender either as positive or negative karma. Sometimes the return of karma is instantaneous but not always. Some of us are dealing with karma made lifetimes ago.

The path of the Ascended Masters teaches us how to properly balance any negative karma we may have consciously or unconsciously made. One of the ways they do this is through the path of initiation. Everybody is being initiated. You have heard the saying, “the earth is a schoolroom.” Every morning when you wake up until you go to bed, you are being initiated.

Many of these tests are the return of karma and deal with everyday things that happen in our lives. Their purpose is to test and strengthen our soul and to help us master a virtue. Some tests have to do with balancing karma made lifetimes ago or even just recently. So, who is giving us these tests? Sometimes it is our Higher Self compelling us to deal with situations we have been neglecting or trying to avoid. At other times it is an Ascended Master. It is important to remember that the purpose of any test is to help us make progress on the spiritual path and we are never given more than we can handle.

Having discernment on the path is also very important. This is the ability to discern using, as the masters say, the eyes of the mind. It is easy to get distracted on the path and you have to be able to discern what is really important to your spiritual growth and what is not. You must “try the spirits.” There are a lot of things that are psychic but have very little to do with spirituality. We also need discernment when working with the Ascended Masters. One of the most important tests you will have is whether or not you can distinguish the vibration of a master from that of an imposter. People tend to think that a master starts working with them the minute they learn about them. This is not always the case. Just like in real life each one of us has to prove we are willing to do the work before a master will take us on as his student. Learning all you can about each master and their teachings is highly recommended. This helps you to make attunement with their vibration. Discernment is one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit and it is extremely important to cultivate it.

http://www.ascendedmastersoflight.com/balancingkarma.php

What is Spiritual Partnership?

1949 Colliers Magazine Illustration by Fred Irvin

And How Does It Affect Relationship Communication?

According to Gary Zukov in Seat of the Soul, speaking of relationship communication,

“The archetype of marriage is no longer functional. It is being replaced with a new archetype that is designed to assist spiritual growth. This is the archetype of spiritual, or sacred, partnership.”

Interestingly, Scott Peck gave us almost exactly the same definition of love way back in 1977 in The Road Less Traveled. “Love,” said Peck, “is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.”

Until now, however, no one has spelled out exactly how Spiritual Partnership differs from the old models of marriage and love, or exactly how it works in every day life. Exactlyhow do I “nurture my own or another’s spiritual growth?” That is exactly the question I answer in my book, Why Talking is not Enough, and what I will summarize here.

Spiritual Partnership differs from the Old Model of relationships in two major ways:

  1. 1. Loving Actions replace relationship communication as the primary tool for problem solving and relationship enrichment.
  2. 2. In Spiritual Partnership, your focus shifts from your partner and from relationship communication to your own spiritual path.

How Spiritual Partnership Replaces Relationship “Communication”

Good relationship communication is great, if you already have it. But “communication” tends to focus on problems, on the weak parts of your relationship. And how often have you talked over a problem and felt worse afterwards?

In Spiritual Partnership, instead of focusing endlessly on relationship communication, we invite you to ask this question:

“If I were to behave in accord with my highest spiritual values right now, what would I do?”

The answer is NOT more and better relationship communication. The answer is, you find a loving action, an action that will both make you a more spiritually behaving person and make an impact on your relationship.

How Loving Actions Work

For example, one Loving Action is to “Act As If.” When you are angry, you can, as a deliberate spiritually-motivated experiment, choose to behave in a loving, rather than an angry way. When Robert was late for dinner without calling for the fourth time in a row, Cheryl was (justifiably, some might say) furious. But when he finally arrived, instead of assaulting him, or trying one of her relationship communication techniques, she greeted him with a kiss and you-must-be-exhausted-what-kept-you-so-late, and she handed him a glass of wine. They had a lovely evening together, and never discussed “the problem.” Her mood changed as they talked, and he felt her love and support. Cheryl voluntarily, as a spiritual act, gave up her claim to being “right” in this situation, and decided that harmony and love was a higher priority for her than trying to change Robert or getting him to admit he was inconsiderate.

We might think of Spiritual Partnership as “applied spirituality.” It is based on the simple idea that if you focus on behaving in a spiritual way yourself, rather than on fixing your relationship or your partner, then you, your partner, and your relationship will be both happier and stronger.

Beyond “Honey, We Need To Talk!”

Perhaps the best news about becoming a Spiritual Partner is that you can do it by yourself! If your partner is not oriented toward personal or spiritual growth, (and remember, he or she may have valid reasons for such an aversion), or if your partner always avoids relationship communication, it doesn’t matter! By voluntarily becoming the Loving Leader in your relationship, you can create astonishing changes that both of you will appreciate, and that will give you a feeling of inner strength and personal power and well-being, which are the ultimate goals of any spiritual practice!

A second piece of good news about Spiritual Partnership is that it does not require extra time. It is simply a new way of approaching what you are already doing. Never again will you have to “talk” about a problem and haul out your old relationship communication skills. Now your relationship communication can all be pleasant!

What Makes Something A “Loving, Or Spiritual Action?”

Each of the eight Loving Actions

  • is motivated by a desire for spiritual growth
  • is unilateral
  • requires discipline, an act of will
  • is experimental

In the book, I also take considerable time to define what I mean by “spiritual” (as a way of starting a dialogue on the subject.) To be spiritual, I submit, is to recognize your connection to the universe and to everyone and everything in it, and to strive each moment for the thoughts and actions that will increase and not decrease this connection. Your spiritual journey is your own personal journey

  • from isolation to connection
  • from your conditioned personality to your authentic self
  • from fear to love
  • from sleep to consciousness or awareness
  • from control to surrender
  • from restlessness to inner peace.

Each of the Eight Loving Actions gives you a concrete, easy-to-learn, way to put these values into action in your daily life. As you become a more seasoned Spiritual Partner, by practicing these simple actions, you will be furthering your own spiritual journey at the same time you will be giving your relationship a great gift.

The Eight Loving Actions

The Eight Loving Actions that move you completely beyond the Old Model of relationship communication skills are these:

  1. Adopt a Spirit of Good Will
  2. Give Up Problem-Solving
  3. Act As If
  4. Practice Restraint
  5. Balance Giving and Taking
  6. Act on Your Own
  7. Practice Acceptance
  8. Practice Compassion

How Spiritual Partnership Differs From The Old Model

The following statements are another way to see how Spiritual Partnership differs dramatically from the Old Model. These are meant to be read slowly, as a kind of meditation.

In the Old Model, you make progress by talking thing through together, using relationship communication skills.In Spiritual Partnership, you make progress by choosing spiritual actions–by yourself.

In the Old Model, your goal is to solve your problems.In Spiritual Partnership, the goal is to outgrow problems by achieving a new level of consciousness.

In the Old Model, the goal is to improve the relationship, to move from dysfunctional to functional, to thriving.In Spiritual Partnership, the goal is for each partner to grow spiritually.

In the Old Model, you solve problems by encouraging your partner to change.In Spiritual Partnership you encourage yourself to change.

In the Old Model, you rely on your mind. You figure things out, come up with strategies, look for solutions, stay in control; you create a lot of noise in your head.In Spiritual Partnership, you quiet the mind. You rely on inner wisdom from your body. You stop trying to figure things out and change them, and instead you pay attention to what is.

In the Old Model, you focus on the differences between you. You ask, “How can we fix what’s wrong?”In Spiritual Partnership, you look for commonality, oneness, unity. You ask, “How are we both part of the human experience? How are we the same?”

In the Old Model, your continuing search for improvement keeps you in a state of discontent; you believe you can do better.In Spiritual Partnership, the state of discontent is the problem. You begin with acceptance.

In the Old Model change is slow and incremental. Old habits die hard. Progress is gradual. Relationship communication skills require practice.In Spiritual Partnership, an inner shift may create “miraculous” change in one moment. You experience quantum leaps. “I was blind, but now I see.”

In the Old Model, there are limits on how happy two people can be together over many years.In Spiritual Partnership, the joy of connection is unlimited.

In the Old Model, relationships are hard work.In Spiritual Partnership, spiritual growth is hard work; relationships are a pleasure.

In the Old Model, you believe you have to be married to the right person.In Spiritual Partnership, you know that more important than having the right partner is being the right partner.

In the Old Model, if you want more from your partner, you must learn to ask for what you want, using your best relationship communication skills.In Spiritual Partnership, if you want more, give more.

In the Old Model, it is impossible to work on the relationship or make any progress unless both parties are willing to talk.In Spiritual Partnership, one partner on a spiritual journey can create significant changes in a relationship, by choosing unilateral spiritual actions, by offering spiritual leadership, often without saying a word.

In the Old Model, you approach problems by asking, “Who’s right and who’s wrong? Who needs to change?.”In Spiritual Partnership, being right doesn’t matter. You approach problems by asking, “No matter who is right, what can I do make a positive difference?”

The Five Principles of Spiritual Partnership

The five principles of Spiritual Partnership, which are presented in Why Talking is not Enough are:

  1. Use loving actions instead of communication when you come to an impasse.
  2. Never try to solve a problem by asking your partner to change.
  3. No matter who is “right” or “wrong,” exhibit a spirit of good will. Ask, “If I were going to behave in accord with my highest spiritual self, what would I do now?”
  4. Strive to keep in balance the times you stand up for your partner’s needs, and the times you stand up for yourself.
  5. Don’t discuss problems; don’t try to solve problems. It is an illusion to think that if you can solve your problems, you will be happy. Most problems don’t have a solution anyway; they are not problems, but facts of life. Instead of trying to solve your problems, do something to create a harmonious atmosphere in your relationship – right now.

The 5 Characteristics Of Couples That Last!

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As a coach and soon-to-be therapist, I spend a great deal of time and energy studying relationships: what helps them to succeed, what leads to their expiration, and what impedes their growth.

The more I learn about these issues, the more challenging it gets. To be honest, the project of studying relationships while being in one is kind of like Googling a symptom and diagnosing yourself with every known disease. It ain’t easy.

In fact, learning about what it takes to be in a successful relationship while being in a committed partnership is, at best, laced with frustration and growth; and at its worst, it’s a recipe for disaster.

Most of us know that the beginnings of most relationships tend to be filled with romance, passion, and cheese plates, and that this “honeymoon phase” inevitably ends. Yet “successful” couples last for a reason. Over time, they work together as a team to create a loving and comfortable companionship. While everyone is different, I think the recipe for lasting love is fostered by certain qualities ….

Based on my studies, here are the five characteristics of couples that last:

1. Dedication

A skilled clinician can tell within 10 minutes of meeting a couple whether their relationship stands a chance. How? By asking a simple question, “How committed are you to making this work?” Each partner’s commitment to the relationship not only informs whether they will last, but the overall level of satisfaction for both partners.

Let’s face it: relationships take work! Both partners need to be ready to work together, not against each other. That said, it’s important to note that high conflict doesn’t make for a bad relationship necessarily. It’s about whether the conflict gets resolved or shoved to the side (and results in a Pompeii-esque eruption). As long as both parties are willing to work for it, there’s a good chance they can make it work.

2. Appreciation

Couples who stay together happily don’t just love each other, but they actively appreciate each other. I don’t care what Disney says: love is not enough. Successful couples admire and genuinely respect each other’s point of view, values, and goals. It’s a practice, and it requires a sustained effort.

3. Empathy

Empathy, as opposed to sympathy, is understanding how others feel from their perspective, rather than projecting our own emotions onto another’s situation. Happy couples actively work to understand and validate one another’s emotional states. This, in turn, increases prosocial behaviors (such as helping, volunteering, and expressing concern). Stepping outside of yourself, on occasion, is essential for making your significant other feel, well, significant!

4. Sexual Attraction

We’ve been conditioned to believe that attraction inevitably fades in time. As men approach middle age, testosterone declines and it may take more time and work to create excitement. Women, on the other hand have proportionately more estrogen and enter what I like to call their dirty thirties (or filthy forties).

This increase in desire coupled with the male’s decline can impact one’s self-esteem and the relationship itself. At that point, attraction becomes even more important. The good news is that chemistry increases when both people share why they are attracted to the other person, whether that be physically or emotionally.

5. Companionship

Happy couples enjoy spending time together. No, I’m not just talking about sitting next to each other while watching reruns of Family Guy and eating takeout. I mean actually spending quality time together and making it a priority.

Of course, sometimes we get tired and want to laze around with our partner. And that’s OK. But the same way communication in relationships takes work, so does making time for intentional quality time.

This may sound obvious, but you’d be surprised how many couples only hang out while running errands, discussing daycare, or fighting about who left the cap off the toothpaste.