Category Archives: acceptance

LOVE IN ALL IT`S SPLENDOR

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How do you see  love and being loved?

I have always been a person that was hungry for love, to give love and to be loved. Since I can remember the idea that I had of love was like a Hollywood movie, full of drama, romance and high emotions at all times.

With my experiences in my relationships, I think I attracted willingly my idea of love but was it ever so draining and tiring.  Living at a constant state of powerful emotions, I love you, I hate you, fighting and making up. The middle was never an option for me, I didn`t even realize that I did have this option available because my perception was not real, romantic novels and movies are not real life. As a true romantic I needed to change my perception and my definition of love.

 

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First came the notion of self-love

With experience comes knowledge and wisdom for all of us and we can choose to repeat old patterns and expect different results but we can also chose to change our patterns and truly receive different results in every area of or life. We can choose to be a victim or the take responsibility for what we have co-created.

My idea of love changed completely and the more I started to honor myself, to love myself, to understand my being, my essence. To nourish my values, my commitments and my dreams. The less I needed to find someone to complete me because I felt complete on my own. The less I searched for love outside of myself. It was all and always was present from within, self-love simply needed to be nourished by encouraging it in my daily practice. I made a clear decision to divorce emotionally and mentally my past relationships and to start practicing new ways of love. This extended in my life, in all of my relationships, family, friends and even work. It has even extended in how I treat my home my things, the productivity of my work and with love we plant seeds, with nourishment we allow things to grow, with care we obtain results.

 

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How I define love now

Love is acceptance, love is patience, love is respect, love is choosing your battles, love is space, love is peace, love is being responsible for you own happiness, love is sweet, forgiving and humble because none of us are perfect and we are all here to learn from our journey on this earth. Love is understanding.

Don`t love like a beggar, love like a king or a queen. What I mean by this is love with elegance, kindness, courage, intelligence, composure and deliberation so the person you are with knows where they stand. No one can guess what you are feeling or thinking so be open and communicate with ease and peace.

Love is taking responsibility for your own insecurities and working on theme so they do not consume your relationships. Love is not blame, it is not using someone’s vulnerabilities as ammo. Words are powerful and they cannot be taken back.

Never settle! You are deserving just like any living creature on this planet.

I send all of you love and hope you enjoyed this article. Please feel free to send me your opinion’s on this subject.

Mélika Emira Baccouch

More Hard Hitting Words From the Dalai Lama About the Mass Brainwashing of Society

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The 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet is always garnering a lot of attention, and for good reasons. Most recently, he told the world that simply praying is not the answer for the incident that occurred in Paris, as well as other similiar atrocities that seem to happen all over the globe. He stated that humans have created this problem, and now we are asking God to solve it, which makes no sense. If we created this mess, we should be the ones to solve it, not God.  His comments went viral as they resonated with so many people around the world who realize that action on a mass scale is required at this time to change the direction our planet seems to be going in.

Intertwined with the Paris attacks are the realities of war, and there is a great piece written on the Dalai Lama’s website site regarding the mass brainwashing of human beings. This is something we touch upon regularly on our website, especially when it comes to incidents of terrorism, war, and the creation of these groups who are carrying out these attacks all over the world.

“War and the large military establishments are the greatest sources of violence in the world. Whether their purpose is defensive or offensive, these vast powerful organizations exist solely to kill human beings. We should think carefully about the reality of war. Most of us have been conditioned to regard military combat as exciting and glamorous – an opportunity for men to prove their competence and courage. Since armies are legal, we feel that war is acceptable; in general, nobody feels that war is criminal or that accepting it is criminal attitude. In fact, we have been brainwashed. War is neither glamorous nor attractive. It is monstrous. Its very nature is one of tragedy and suffering.”(source)

This (above) statement really hits home. If you think about it, these vast and powerful organizations, and the military in general, “solely exist to kill human beings.” As the Dalai Lama touches upon, we are conditioned and made to believe that military service is something to be proud of. Sure, these men and women may be entering into the service in order to serve their country, with a tremendous amount of bravery and good hearted intentions, but what they do not know is that this global war on terrorism is a complete fabrication. The enemy they are made to believe they’re defending their country from is actually a product of their own country. As Dr. Michel Choissudovsky, University of Ottawa’s Emeritus Professor of Economics tells us, the global war on terrorism is completely fake and based on fake premises. Soldiers have been brainwashed into thinking that they are going after an enemy and defending their own country when that same enemy is fully supported and financed by the western military alliance, and as the Dalai Lama sates:

This is exactly why “we feel that war is acceptable,” because we are made to believe it’s a necessary course of action.

He then goes on to state that:

“We are so conditioned to see it as thrilling that we talk about this or that marvelous weapon as a remarkable piece of technology without remembering that, if it is actually used, it will burn living people. War also strongly resembles a fire in the way it spreads. If one area gets weak, the commanding officer sends in reinforcements. This is throwing live people onto a fire. But because we have been brainwashed to think this way, we do not consider the suffering of individual soldiers. No soldiers want to be wounded or die. None of his loved ones wants any harm to come to him. If one soldier is killed, or maimed for life, at least another five or ten people – his relatives and friends – suffer as well. We should all be horrified by the extent of this tragedy, but we are too confused.” (source)

The extent of this brainwashing is quite massive, and if we are going to stop the murder of other human beings and war in general, it is that ‘brainwashed’ soldier that needs to wake up. It is a human being pulling the trigger, giving the orders, and thinking that they are doing something good. We are the reason why war exists in the first place, we created it, we participate in it and we prolong it. Just imagine what would happen if every human being on the planet refused to participate in war? This is why we say change needs to come from within, and as more soldiers wake up to what’s really happening here, there will be more of them who refuse to go to war.

“No matter how malevolent or evil are the many murderous dictators who can currently oppress their nations and cause international problems, it is obvious that they cannot harm others or destroy countless human lives if they don’t have a military organisation accepted and condoned by society.” (source)

Some of these soldiers that are used by their corporate/big bank puppet masters are starting to wake up and speak out. Linked below is an article that provides two excellent examples, with some shocking information that many people are still waking up to (graphic footage warning).

Horrible & Numbing”: Chilling testimony from U.S. Air Force Drone Operator On His First Kill”

As far as this manufactured global war on terrorism, you can check out this article, among others:

Professors & Politicians Gather To Warn Us About The New World Order

The Dalai Lama Then goes on to speak about how expensive war is. This is something many people think about – the fact that the money pumped into the military, and the Department of Defense in the United States alone (including black the black budget) could completely alleviate  poverty and hunger on our planet.  That being said, money is made out of thin air, typed up on a computer screen and printed at will by the controlling elite.

We are talking about, as X Canadian Defense Minister Paul Hellyer states, “trillions, and I mean thousands of billions of dollars” that “have been spent on projects which both congress and the commander in chief no nothing about.” Welcome to what president Eisenhower called the military industrial complex where, as he warned us, the rise for misplaced power exists and will persist. What would he say about what’s happened today?

The point is, if we are going to use money as a tool, why not take that many and allocate it to provide food, shelter and clothing for everybody on the planet? The defense expenditures of a couple of countries alone could do this no problem.

“We should feel fed up with the violence and killing going on around us. If a human being is killed by an animal, it’s sad, but if a human being is killed by another human being it’s unthinkable. We have to make a special effort to think of each other as fellow human beings, as our brothers and sisters.” – Dalai Lama (source)

Thank you Dalai Lama for saying the things that you have said within the past few months.

By Arjun Walia / collective-evolution.com

You can read his full article HERE.

My Body, My love

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Loneliness is an illusion—we are never truly alone.

I say this as someone who used to feel lonely most of the time.

Even with my spouse, even with my best friends, in my heart I felt separate, as if behind an invisible wall. At first, I chalked this up to poor socialization. Beset by frequent moves, childhood trauma and family unhappiness, I had grown up isolated. I hadn’t learned how to relate to others, so I could not connect with them.

Years later, I learned about attachment theory and realized the problem ran deeper. My mother suffered from low moods (she died in a psychiatric hospital when I was six years old). I have good reason to believe she was feeling poorly after my birth, a condition now called postpartum depression. She probably found it hard to resonate with me, her infant son, so my feeling of being walled off seemed traceable to gazing at my mother’s face, who was pained and distant rather than joyful and attuned.

Understanding that my feelings of isolation grew out of my earliest experiences, did not lessen them.

There seemed little to do but muddle through life as best I could, alone behind my wall.

Luckily, I was wrong.

There has turned out to be a way I can feel profoundly connected with another being, not just on occasion, but all the time.

Who is that being?

My own body.

How I came to appreciate my body as an intimate partner is a long story

Key factors include my training as a surgeon and familiarity with the body’s biology. Then came a series of medical crises, that both ended my clinical career and forced me to pay attention to my health. When a yoga institute enlisted me to teach anatomy and physiology to its trainees, I found that these sciences could be used to deepen my self-understanding. In meditations and yoga poses, I explored how human awareness relates to the organism who supports it.

This led to the key insight: the body isn’t a mechanical conveyance, as I’d assumed on the basis of medical training, it isn’t a blood-filled robot.

The body is a lively, responsive animal.

Like a beloved dog or cat, the body is capable of wordless love. In other words, my body and mind are in a relationship. My mind, who felt so lonely, is not alone—at every moment it is embraced by the warm animal who surrounds it. By upholding my consciousness in myriad ways (breathing air, circulating blood, digesting food), this sensitive, vulnerable body is holding me with love.

Consider: If another person did as much for us as our own bodies, we’d have no doubt about that person’s affection.

One of the main points of yoga is to help us recognize the unity of body and mind.

How can the body love the mind if the two are one?

There are many answers to these questions—here, I’ll offer an analogy:

Two people in a marriage are separate, yet in their loving partnership, they are one.

Perhaps the goal of yoga practice isn’t to erase all distinctions between the mind and physical body, but to build a sweeter relationship between them.

To get a sense of how this relationship can be developed, here’s a simple but useful meditation.

It is best done after relaxation practices or a period of mindful breathing.

Bring to mind an adored partner, child or pet. Visualize the beloved in your arms. Feel the warmth that blossoms in the center of your chest. Now imagine holding your body with that same tender regard, feeling the same sweet glow of affection. As your mind honors the organism who gives it life, recall how the body supports the mind with its own encompassing embrace.

Your body works on your behalf every minute of every day.

Feel how your consciousness arises within this living, vibrant animal we call a human body. Appreciate how your body surrounds you with boundless concern for your wellbeing. Even in times of illness, it does its best to keep your life on track. You are your body’s beloved.

Practices, like this one, gradually melted my sense of isolation.

As my mind grew to understand its intimate partnership with my body, it no longer felt walled off. Instead, I felt nurtured and realized I was never alone.

At every moment, human awareness is wrapped in a sort of biological hug.

How wondrous! How healing!

THE BEAUTY OF BIRTH SUITS

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Body’s are an amazing gift.  It is our birthright to feel beautiful and free because we live in our body’s our entire life. They are an extension of who we are on the inside. If we feel good on the inside it reflects on the outside and vice versa.

There is a difference between nudity and sexuality, we have lost this simple ability to connect with our body’s. When we swim naked we feel the wonderful sensation of water on our entire bodies. When we stand naked we can feel the wind massaging our skin, from our toes to our fingertips. We should never deprive ourselves from feeling all of these wonderful sensations that is our entitlement.

When I look at these photographes, I see expression’s of true happiness and freedom. Real beauty comes in all shapes and forms. It comes from a raw place. Imperfections are part of the artistry and loveliness of the human body.

Let go of the guilt, let go of the shame and be proud of your body’s.

It all stems from the mind and now a days everything is sexual ” so they say”. Do not buy into this and simply start where you are. The more you love your body, the more you will love yourself.

I hope this inspires women as much as men to feel free in all that they are.

Human!

Love love love

Melika Emira Baccouche

 

 

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BALANCING KARMA

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light and energy, and affects how we see things. Many people leave the path because they cannot deal with the challenges they encounter when karma descends. These records have to be balanced, transmuted and consumed.

So, what exactly is karma? Karma is the law of cause and effect. It is well known in Hinduism, Buddhism and other ancient wisdom teachings and some scholars believe the doctrine of karma existed for a thousand years prior to the beginning of Christianity. We even find reference to it in Christianity: “As a man soweth, so shall he reap”. The masters describe karma as “energy/consciousness in action.”

Every thought, word, feeling, action and deed that you send out into the universe will return to you. This is the law of the universe. By our free will choices we are constantly qualifying the light-energy that is flowing to us. If we qualify it in a positive way, good things come back to us. By the same token, if we qualify it in a negative way, that too will return to us. Karma is a great teacher.

The law of karma is exact and states that whatever energy is sent out goes around, gathers more of the same, and returns back to the sender either as positive or negative karma. Sometimes the return of karma is instantaneous but not always. Some of us are dealing with karma made lifetimes ago.

The path of the Ascended Masters teaches us how to properly balance any negative karma we may have consciously or unconsciously made. One of the ways they do this is through the path of initiation. Everybody is being initiated. You have heard the saying, “the earth is a schoolroom.” Every morning when you wake up until you go to bed, you are being initiated.

Many of these tests are the return of karma and deal with everyday things that happen in our lives. Their purpose is to test and strengthen our soul and to help us master a virtue. Some tests have to do with balancing karma made lifetimes ago or even just recently. So, who is giving us these tests? Sometimes it is our Higher Self compelling us to deal with situations we have been neglecting or trying to avoid. At other times it is an Ascended Master. It is important to remember that the purpose of any test is to help us make progress on the spiritual path and we are never given more than we can handle.

Having discernment on the path is also very important. This is the ability to discern using, as the masters say, the eyes of the mind. It is easy to get distracted on the path and you have to be able to discern what is really important to your spiritual growth and what is not. You must “try the spirits.” There are a lot of things that are psychic but have very little to do with spirituality. We also need discernment when working with the Ascended Masters. One of the most important tests you will have is whether or not you can distinguish the vibration of a master from that of an imposter. People tend to think that a master starts working with them the minute they learn about them. This is not always the case. Just like in real life each one of us has to prove we are willing to do the work before a master will take us on as his student. Learning all you can about each master and their teachings is highly recommended. This helps you to make attunement with their vibration. Discernment is one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit and it is extremely important to cultivate it.

http://www.ascendedmastersoflight.com/balancingkarma.php

Ascendant Master of Light

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Master of the Violet Flame, Chohan of the Seventh Ray

Saint Germain is the chohan of the seventh ray, sponsor of the United States of America, and master alchemist of the sacred fire who comes bearing the gift of the violet flame of freedom for world transmutation. Together with his twin flame, the ascended lady master Portia, the Goddess of Justice, he is the hierarch of the Aquarian age. He is the great sponsor of freedom’s flame, while Portia is the sponsor of the flame of justice. The name Saint Germain comes from the Latin Sanctus Germanus, meaning simply “Holy Brother.”

As chohan, or lord, of the seventh ray, Saint Germain initiates our souls in the science and ritual of transmutation through the violet flame. Saint Germain and Portia deliver to the people of God the dispensation for the seventh age and the seventh ray—the violet ray of freedom, justice, mercy, alchemy and sacred ritual—a new lifewave, a new civilization, a new energy.

The Strauss waltzes carry the vibration of the violet flame and will help to put you in tune with Saint Germain. The Rakoczy March, by Franz Liszt, carries the flame of his heart and the formula of the violet flame. His electronic pattern is the Maltese cross; his fragrance, that of violets.

Master Saint Germain, Seventh Ray, and the Violet Flame

Violet Flame Mantra by Saint Germain for transmuting personal and planetary past errors in thought, feeling and action.

I AM a being of violet fire,
I AM the purity God desires.

Diplomats, priests of the sacred fire, actors, writers and defenders of freedom serve with Saint Germain on the seventh ray.

Initiation of the Seat-of-the Soul Chakra
Gifts of the Holy Spirit: gift of Prophecy and the Working of Miracles
Etheric Retreats: The Cave of Symbols, Table Mountain, Wyoming, USA; Transylvania, Romania
Vibration: Violet, Purple, Pink, Aqua, Teal
Gemstone: Amethyst, Diamond, Aquamarine
Quality: Freedom, Alchemy, Justice, Diplomacy, Transmutation
Day: Saturday

Saint Germain’s Previous Lifetimes

As high priest of the Violet Flame Temple on the mainland of Atlantis thirteen thousand years ago, Saint Germain sustained by his invocations and his causal body a pillar of fire, a veritable fountain of violet singing flame, which magnetized people from near and far who came to be set free from every binding condition of body, mind and soul. This they achieved by self-effort through the offering of invocations and the practice of seventh-ray rituals to the sacred fire.

Saint Germain was embodied as the prophet Samuel; Saint Joseph; Saint Alban, the first martyr of Britain; Merlin—alchemist, prophet and counselor to King Arthur. More recently, Saint Germain was Roger Bacon, Christopher Columbus and, in his final lifetime, Sir Francis Bacon. Francis Bacon, who has been called the greatest mind the West ever produced, is known as the father of inductive reasoning and the scientific method. His soul entered the ritual of the ascension from the Rakoczy Mansion, retreat of the Great Divine Director, on May 1, 1684.

Ascended Master Saint Germain Sponsors Spiritual Organizations

In the twentieth century, Saint Germain stepped forth once again to sponsor an outer activity of the Great White Brotherhood. In the early 1930s, he contacted Guy Ballard whom he trained as a messenger and who, under the pen name of Godfré Ray King, released the foundation of Saint Germain’s instruction for the New Age in the books Unveiled Mysteries, The Magic Presence and The “I AM” Discourses.

In 1961 Saint Germain contacted Mark L. Prophet, and founded the Keepers of the Flame® Fraternity to quicken all who had originally come to earth with Sanat Kumara—to serve as world teachers and ministering servants in their families, communities and nations at this critical hour of the turning of cycles.

Meditation upon Saint Germain

“On the sabbath of the seventh ray, you greet the Master of the Aquarian age:Saint Germain, friend of old, I am honored at thy presence here! So may I know the cosmic honor flame that is entwined with strands of gold and violet as elementals weave a garland of praise to the Knight Commander of my heart. And you tarry before the alchemist of the Spirit who has come to teach you the science of the amethyst ray and the ritual of grace that will be the law for the next two thousand years.”—Djwal Kul, from the meditation, The Hidden Chamber of the Heart.

 

http://www.summitlighthouse.org/saint-germain/

FOUNDATION AND FEMININITY: HEALING THE FIRST AND SECOND CHAKRAS

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Imagine for a moment that you feel completely healed. What does that feel like to you? Maybe you feel well, your reproductive system or other body parts functioning healthily. You may feel spiritually whole, filled with understanding and purpose. Or perhaps for you, feeling healed equates to emotional balance and ease.

As you focus your awareness on your personal healing, know in your heart that it is possible. During growth or crisis phases in life, healing takes courage and dedication as you sift through your feelings and sit with them. Oftentimes it requires outside assistance, a trusted companion to help you dig deep into the parts of you that need some attention.  Above all, it calls for gentleness with self and spirit.

Turning to the chakra system to help you find your way through your experiences can be a great first step. Let’s look at how the first and second chakras, known as the lower chakras, can bring healing awareness.

The Root Chakra

The first chakra, known as the Root Chakra or Muladhara in Sanskrit, spins from the base of the spine. It relates to procreation and Mother Earth as well as to birth, receiving unconditional love from your parents and the beginning of your life. Oftentimes it is described as the place where physical energy, instinct and vitality are born.  From the Root Chakra, your kundalini, or pure desire, rises.

Meditation on the first chakra can help you feel safe, secure, grounded and stable as you navigate the fertility journey. When you are rooted, you feel fully alive, joyful, curious and able to trust. This chakra teaches that all is one.

Working with this chakra allows you access to greater self-nourishment should you have healing to do from early childhood. When you spend time nurturing and supporting your inner child, your first chakra blooms.  Healing on this level also plants the seeds for the future. What you do now to heal yourself opens the way for your children to have fulfilling early experiences when they come into the world.

Being disconnected from Root Chakra energy can manifest as high levels of fear or stress, addictions, depression, obsessive disorders or an extreme need for control. Physically, this chakra relates to the spine, kidneys, adrenal glands, immune system, skeletal system and reproductive organs. Cold hands and feet, frequent urination, high-blood pressure, low back pain, difficulties in the feet, legs or hips, low sex drive, and infertility or impotence are common ailments associated with an unbalanced first chakra.

The Sacral Chakra

As the energy of the first chakra opens, it moves up to the lower abdomen two fingers below the navel to closely relate to Swadhisthana or the Sacral Chakra. The center for emotion, desire and passion, the second chakra brings creativity, empowerment, sincerity and sexual energy into your life. Its symbol is a crescent moon, representing femininity and the womb.

As you open awareness to Sacral Chakra energy, you begin to explore your true feminine nature. You embrace your compassionate and nurturing qualities; you trust your intuition. Creativity blossoms and your emotions feel in balance. Relationships, both casual and intimate, are satisfying. You experience and enjoy sensual sexual experiences. Your female reproductive organs function healthfully.

As a child, if you were unable to express your feelings, emotions or desires, your second chakra may need attention. Some characteristics of an unbalanced second chakra include fear of pleasure, being out of touch with your feelings, resistance to change, acting overly emotional or dramatic, sexual addiction or poor boundaries.

In her book Anatomy of the Spirit, The Seven Stages of Power and Healing (Three Rivers Press, 1996) author and medical intuitive Carolyn Myss, Ph.D., explains that many female health problems stem from second chakra issues. “Problems with menstruation, cramps and PMS are classic indications that she is in some kind of conflict with being a woman…,” writes Myss.  Problems with bleeding or irregular periods frequently occur due to emotional stress and the feeling that a woman doesn’t have control over her choices, she says.

Further, Myss’ writes that tubal problems and infertility are centered on a woman’s inner child. The flow of eggs, she writes, can be blocked because the woman’s inner being does not feel nurtured or mature enough to feel fertile.

The Journey

Opening awareness to the parts of you that may need healing attention can be difficult. Take small steps. Remember to treat yourself with gentle care and nurturing commitment. Honor yourself for where you are right now on your journey, and be well in knowing you are whole.

As you ground yourself and connect with your feminine energy, I encourage you to contact me for more information or to make an appointment for the Enhance the Blood massage session. This healing massage treatment focuses on opening circulatory pathways to bathe the reproductive organs in blood and bring regeneration and nourishment to your whole body.

I look forward to assisting you as you connect with the sacredness of your body. You may contact me at Cathleen@pullingdownthemoon.com.

http://www.pullingdownthemoon.com/blog/2011/march/foundation-and-femininity-healing-the-first-and-.aspx

A SPIRITUAL REFLECTION ON BOUNDARIES

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“I just think that boundaries are the most amazing, wonderful and difficult things to implement. They are beautiful tools that we need to use in our life to create intimacy, not to block it. A boundary doesn’t keep people out of our lives. A boundary just keeps people from violating important spaces in our lives; and when we have boundaries, the intimacy is increased, not decreased.” — Brooke Castillo of The Life Coach School

There are many people in the spiritual world who romanticize the idea of dissolving or shedding personal boundaries . . . of being One with all beings, or most titillating, with an intimate partner. This is a wonderful ideal, but unfortunately, since many of us have an unclear understanding of boundaries in the first place, we end up mistaking unhealthy connectedness with others (fusion) for true communion with them.

Oneness and individuality

Confusion about the spiritual notion of Oneness most often manifests in our relationships with other humans. Most of you reading this are people who highly value peace and calm in your lives, and uphold the virtue of compassion. Some of you might believe that if we are all One, we should understand the pain of others and not judge them, even when they cross our boundaries. You may believe that being kind to others means flowing like water around them. You may believe that we ALONE must take responsibility for all of the difficulty in our lives and deal with it by ourselves, because it’s ultimately saying something about us, not others.

NO. NO. NO. (And yes, sometimes.)

This is the paradox of spirituality. While the above statements indeed have deep truth to them, they often times cannot, and should not, be applied without discrimination to our lives as humans on Earth.This is where the Buddhist notion of TWO TRUTHS or Two Realities (ultimate reality and relative reality) can be useful. Both realities co-exist, and it is part of the human journey to learn how to skillfully dance between them. Yes, from the perspective of Source we are One (or as Buddhists might put it, we all share the ultimate nature of Emptiness), but we are also unique individuals who have our own needs, preferences, and desires. We have our own complex emotional world, which it is our personal responsibility to take care of, so that we can be happy and healthy.

“Boundaries allow differences to play their essential role by preserving our autonomy and making healthy interrelatedness possible — a fact clearly illustrated in mature relationships, in which there is deep communion without any dilution of one’s sense of self. In such relationships, we don’t discard our boundaries to make meaningful connections; we expand our boundaries to include the other without short-changing ourselves.” — Robert Augustus Masters, author of Spiritual Bypassing

What are boundaries for?

When other people come into our personal space and violate it, physically or emotionally, it is appropriate to set a boundary in order to take care of ourselves. (Remember, people don’t know where our boundaries are unless we clearly make them known.)

Boundaries are not about controlling others, or blaming them for how we feel. They are about taking full responsibility of our own safety, well-being, and happiness.

A boundary is a request you make along with a clear consequence regarding what you will do if the request is not respected.

For example, “If you don’t stop with the name-calling, I will leave the room.” Or “If you keep coming home drunk, I will move out and not consider returning until you are in a rehab program.” Or, “If you keep bringing up my ex, I will stop engaging in our conversation.”

Some of us tend to go a little wild when we first start to take boundaries seriously. But remember, a boundary should only be made when there has been a violation of your physical or emotional space (like your boss raising his voice at you or someone smoking in your home). It’s not a tool to be used when you simply don’t like someone’s words or behavior but they are not actually doing anything to or toward you. It’s not a tool for controlling other people. For example, it’s not a boundary if you try to use it to get your husband to take out the garbage or get your girlfriend to call you more often. That’s called manipulation!

Following through on boundaries

One of the most important but difficult things about setting boundaries is actually following through on the consequences you have stated. Sometimes we try to use aboundary as a threat, with no intention of actually following through. We’re afraid of others getting angry or feeling hurt, or we just find it very difficult to assert ourselves. So instead, we set a boundary with the sole desire of forcing the other person to change. Again, this is manipulation. If you want your boundary to be taken seriously (and if you want to take yourself seriously a.k.a. trust yourself), you have to do what you say you will do.

“When we begin to set boundaries with people we love, a really hard thing happens: they hurt. They may feel a hole where you used to plug up their aloneness, their disorganization, or their financial irresponsibility. Whatever it is, they will feel a loss. If you love them, this will be difficult for you to watch. But, when you are dealing with someone who is hurting, remember that your boundaries are both necessary for you and helpful for them. If you have been enabling them to be irresponsible, your limit setting may nudge them toward responsibility.” — Henry Cloud, author of Boundaries

Boundaries ultimately come from a place of compassion and respect for yourself. You may be frustrated and angry with others, but the reason why you’re experiencing this is often because you don’t have proper boundaries and you haven’t been SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH. Once you take full responsibility for your happiness, you can set boundaries with others from a place of calm, empowerment, and love – not anger or resentment toward them.

It can be helpful to explain to the person you’re setting the boundary with that this isn’t about them or about them doing something wrong, it’s about you, your truth, and your needs. If they choose to be offended by your truth, that’s their choice. When setting boundaries, you have to be willing to accept the response of the other party. You’re not demanding that they change; they are free individuals. It’s just that if they don’t change, you’ll follow through on the consequence you described.

Mastery takes practice

Boundary work takes a ton of practice, so no worries if you don’t get it right on the first few (hundred) tries.

I think part of the reason boundaries are such a difficult thing to apply to our life is because it highlights the spiritual paradox I mentioned earlier: We’re all born of same Source (and thus have this beautiful “urge to merge”), and yet we’re also unique, distinct streams of consciousness having our own experience of life on earth.

It’s a challenge to fulfill both our spiritual desire to connect with each other AND our human drive to express and experience the fruits of our unique needs and preferences.

Learning to do this is a sign of true mastery.

Keep on keepin’ on, friends!

http://www.stephanieylin.com/spiritual-reflection-on-boundaries/

7 Signs You’re In Love With An Old Soul

Old-Soul

Old souls make for incredible partners in relationships. They have profound perspective and conduct their lives in ways no one else does. What does it mean for you when you love an old soul?

1. You love someone who thrives on philosophical conversations.

Old souls are thinkers. They don’t have time to talk about the Kardashians or neighborhood gossip. They want good, mentally stimulating conversations. Be ready for that!

2. You love someone who wants to share life’s lessons.

Old souls don’t come out of the womb with all sorts of insight to impart. They learn lessons like everyone else. But old souls are very careful to learn those lessons and grow as people. They want to share what they’ve learned with the whole world.

3. You love someone who will be supportive of you.

Old souls want to see the best in themselves and others. Even if what they think you’re doing is a little bit silly, they have your back. They will express opinions though.

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4. You love someone who doesn’t play games.

Old souls aren’t necessarily old fashioned flowers-on-the-first-date types, but they absolutely don’t play silly games. They’re a straight forward bunch.

5. You love an honest person.

Old souls are honest people. They don’t lie to your face, especially over petty things. This will sometimes hurt, but they don’t sugarcoat how they feel.

6. You love someone who is eccentric and creative.

Old souls are the types who’ve been around the block. They know how to laugh and let loose. You’ve managed to snag a funny weirdo. Good job!

7. You love an inspiring person.

At the end of the day, old souls are here to seek out people to inspire. They want to leave the world a better place. Join forces with them and you’ll make waves in this life.